Monthly Archives: July 2010

Why?

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Why am I here? _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

Why am I in VEGAS, writing a blog at 12:15am??
Why am I 1000 miles from home with other people watching my children??
Because I dared to ask for MORE.  I dared to look our current financial situation in the eye and ask for MORE.  I dared the rest of my community and friends and family to stop and ask if they were truly, TRULY SATISFIED with the position in life.
Are you happy?  If you talk to someone with 20 years more experience, does it excite you or depress you??
I am here to make a difference in this world.  I am here to create a legacy for your family and for my own.  For free.  For an hours’ worth of education.  You owe it to yourself to see what I do and what I can do FOR you.  For free.  No string attached.
The #1 cause of divorce is financial struggles.  The divorce is a break-up of a family.  The family is the foundation of recreation and continuation of our species. 
I save families.  In doing so, I save my own.  What greater cause exists?

Waking up in Vegas

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Day 3 ended … Day 4 is literally on the horizon!  Must…go…to…bed… _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

Today was amazing.  I’m not sure that I can fully process my thoughts right now, but let me say this: it has already been worth all the pennies and time sacrificed to be here.  It’s not something that translates well into words, but rather something that needs to be felt.
I’ve yo-yo’d back and forth for so long on my commitment to this business, and I feel like I am on the precipice of understanding exactly what the missing piece is and how to fill it in.  I’m not sure how to describe it – it’s like a balloon filling up inside me, waiting for that one last breath before I tie the knot to hold it all in.
All I can tell you is that I feel GREAT.  I had an amazing heart-to-heart with Cameron this evening (and attempted heart-to-heart with Julia, but I was chatting online to her 3rd-party via Cam … we’ll have to recap when I get home!!).  All in all, I think that I am unlocking the key to finding that equilibrium of work, family, success and satisfaction.  It’s a huge feeling, to say the very least.  I believe that the next 2 days, along with the next 2 weeks are going to be pivotal moments whereby the strongest foundations are laid for my future.
This is where it all happens.  This is the beginning of a new … what?  A new me?  A new life?  Whatever it is, it feels so right, like I’ve been waiting my entire life to be in this moment.

1st impressions

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So here I am … in Vegas. _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

Sitting in my room at 10:36pm while the city pulses outside my window.
Eating a convenience store muffin and Vitamin water.  Speaking of which, I do believe that “vitamin water” is a total joke and typical marketing cash-grab, but it was that vs pop or over-priced bottled water.
Alone.  So far, I’m not sold on Vegas.  I see too many stumbling, strung-out drunks staggering around to want to go and join the fun of the Vegas nightlife.  It feels like I’m in an Alice in Wonderland version of Whyte Ave.  Maybe it’s Oz.  Either way, it’s familiar but unfamiliar, and not familiar in an enjoyable way.
I’m missing my Leith and my babeez hard right now.  It’s not like this is my first time away from them by any means, but there is this sucking hole in my heart that makes me wish that Leith was at least here.  My constant companion who would drag me out and make me have fun…
Maybe it will be different tomorrow.  I’m planning to hit the outlet malls and spend a little green.  Wednesday through Friday will be eaten up with my conference, and then there is just Saturday left.  I’ll go out Friday night, I guess.
I don’t know … I guess I just expected the energy to be infectious, but instead it’s just suffocating.

Friday 5

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Happiness is the return of Derfwad Manor, one of my favourite blogs :)  Add that to Hyperbole and a Half, which has made me laff so hard that tears run down my legs, and the fact that my children are wearing their socks on their hands because it’s funny … well, we’ve got a pretty good Friday going on here today!
So here’s a little Derfwad game for today:
1.  What are you doing this weekend?  I have a maternity shoot tomorrow afternoon, and a lot of packing to do before I leave for VEGAS BABY!!!
2.  Lousiest moment of the week?  My wicked headache last night that has left me feeling nauseous today.  I’m going to the doctor to find out if they’re migraines.
3.  On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your current satisfaction with your hair?  Lol, I love the randomness of this question.  I’d say about a 7.5 – I looooove the colour my sister did, but I need a trim.  I love that I can fit it into a ponytail again though!
4.  Reading a good book you can recommend?  Nope.  I’m on the “can’t find anything worth reading” kick right now.  Anyone have any recommendations for me?  No vampires right now, please.  
5.  If you had $100 to selfishly blow on yourself, what would you buy?  VIBRAM FIVE FINGERS!!!



Now for the taggies:
*Dawn
*Gabby
*Hethr
*Air (since she hasn’t blogged in SIX WEEKS!!)
*Everyone else!

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For Today

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Outside my window … sun, sun, glorious sun!!  It has been far too long without sun, and the last 3 days have been BEAUTIFUL :) _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

I am thankful for … friendships, understanding, decaf coffee, falling asleep on the couch, good times, good decisions and white wine with ice.
I am creating … an organized mind, in hopes that it translates to an organized life.  I really mean it when I say I want a personal assistant…
I am celebrating … the stillness between the storms.  I think today and tomorrow are my only “free” days between the weddings/birthdays/hanging out before today and the mad cleaning/organizing/packing of the next three days.
From the kitchen … a lot of dirty dishes to wash, and some kind of strawberry-rhubarb treat to make
I am wearing … a pink tank top, purple sweat crops and bare feet
I am reading … The System Builder.  Part of our wine-planning day included Julia & I committing to reading one good business or self-development book each month.  Next month’s will be Slight Edge.
I am hoping … that I can get everything organized in my mind while I’m away next week, to put into action when I get home.  
I am hearing … nothing, as I usually blog while my bugz are sleeping!
Around the house and yard … gardens to tame (although the weeding is caught up), grass to mow, CDs to burn, laundry to fold, packing lists to be made, to-do (or to-don’t) lists to make for Leith while I’m gone … and then some.
One of my favourite things … is falling asleep on the couch while Leith watches a movie.
A few plans for the rest of the week … office tonight, planning tomorrow, picking up our food basket, a maternity shoot on Saturday, packing on Sunday and then off to Vegas for a week!!  By myself!!  SHOPPING!!!
Here are (several) picture thoughts I am sharing with you:  Finger painting early this morning!!

Update Day!

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Ooh, so many things to update!  I feel like, important or something! _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

So first (and most importantly), the coffee.  I am on Day 3 of decaf and I haven’t had a single headache.  Yaaaa!!  Sherrie tried to sabotage me on Tuesday when I went to help her with Tay’s birthday party preparations, so I am calling her out on my blog as promised ;)  She promised to make me a pot of decaf, but then confessed that she added a scoop of regular coffee.  Gasp!!  Apparently, I was a little blah and she felt the need to nurse me back to health.  Hmmm…  For well-calculated revenge, I returned Tay’s generic gift and picked up two gifts that require assembly and mess.  HA!  Don’t mess with me.
Secondly (and overall more important, but I lack the focus to clearly feel it’s importance without the glow of caffeine coursing through my veins), I am extending my QMD in 2010 timeline for the time being.  There were a lot of things that led up to the decision, but ultimately I realized that it’s just not conducive to the commitments I have right now.  Julia and I spent yesterday afternoon basking in the sunshine, drinking wine and developing systems to make this goal of mine a reality in a realistic time frame.  
Now, don’t get me wrong: 5 months was very realistic, but I’ve had a lot of goal conflict that has pushed back my productivity.  While it is still an achievable goal to be granted my agency by the end of November, it would mean a lot more work that, quite frankly, I’m not prepared to commit to at the time.  Am I lazy?  No.  Instead, it’s the opposite: I want to build this agency on a strong foundation from the start, and if I rush to make up for the past 3 weeks, there will be holes that I will have to spend a lot of time fixing in the future.  We aren’t talking “slow and steady”, but we are talking steady and constant.  
Qualifying for Hawaii and my agency promotion would have been incredible, but I would have just made it in under the wire.  When I realized that the past year of my life has revolved around learning to de-stress and not overwork myself, I knew that pushing myself for the sake of a title alone was not a healthy decision.  It’s a fine balance between hard work and over-worked, and I’m not willing to sacrifice my health for something that will and can wait a few more months.  So instead of November 30, 2010, we are aiming for May 1, 2011.  10 months instead of 4, which I think is reasonable while still being inspirational.  It’s still a huge leap, as most people take years to work up to that level and I am still aiming to do it in under a year.  Sound good?
Update #3 is on the health front.  Boy, oh boy do I need to kick this inactivity kick I’ve been on.  In the fall, my back hurt so much that I could barely get out of bed in the mornings.  I can feel my body sliding back into that pain again.  Time to be active.  The bugz and I are going for a walk this morning.  Part of my planning with Julia yesterday involved finding the “me” time in my week to work out and regain that health.  Why is it so hard to find that time?  There are 24 hours in a day.  Even if I sleep for 8, there is still so much time to do everything and yet it isn’t accomplished.  Sigh…another post for another time.
Meanwhile, the quest for equilibrium continues…

The cup stops here

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For the first time in my life, I am willing to admit that my caffeine addiction has trumped my coffee addiction.

Tonight I am going to buy a pound of decaf beans.  It’s going to be ugly here for a few days, I promise.  I have realized that I actually physically respond to caffeine, or the lack thereof.  I’ve tried increasing my water to dilute it (ha!), but the fact is that I am drinking the equivalent of a pot or more of coffee a day!  Gross!!  I actually get headaches and become irritable when I only have one cup of coffee in a day.  
So, I’m going cold turkey back to the decaf.  I did it waaaay back in 2007 when Leith and I started our family (not starting any rumours, just using it as an example), so I know I can do it.  I’m a little scared though…
Here’s the thing: I am exhausted.  Because I am exhausted, I am unproductive.  I also don’t exercise.  This leaves me more exhausted, so I drink more coffee and thus perpetuate the never-ending cycle.  My diet is blaaahhhhh … organic or not, I am definitely lacking in a quality diet.  Too much sugar, too few plants and non-existent breakfasts.  This has to change now.
I know it’s unwise to plan an all-out assault on one’s lifestyle in a matter of hours, but it’s about to change.  Tonight, I run.  Tomorrow, I run.  I stop drinking caffeinated coffee as of now.  I start eating better and actually tracking what I eat.  I did that meticulously before Christmas and dropped 5 pounds.  Now, I’m back to that plus another 5-10 (can’t be bothered to get on the scale out of fear), and I am sick of it.  I used to be healthy and fit, and now I feel unhealthy and tired.
Times are a-changin’, and I’m leaving those bad habits behind me to return to the better body I was before.
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Gratitudes

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*beautiful weather this morning for Cheryl’s wedding day today!! _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

*mmm bacon!
*skunks, flipflops and chick flicks ;)
*an awesome dinner and shopping night with my good friend :)
*coffee, coffee, coffee
*listening to my bugz make their letter sounds along with the Leap Frog DVD
*fresh produce from our organic co-op
*toast with jam and butter
*surprises
*healthy carotid arteries on my dopplar scan this week!
*a beautiful new purse from H&M
*wild strawberries out on our hill
*long rays of morning sunshine breaking through the trees
*potato plants the size of small trees!!
*amazing lightning shows in the middle of the night
*finding a new, friendly, female family physician who has a personality and is actually accepting new patients! 
*a wonderful husband, home every night…

Two Wolves

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I am borrowing this from Crystal’s blog today because it gave me chills … one of those “a-ha!” moments that totally shakes your world and puts your thoughts into perfect words: _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

Two Wolves Inside Each of Us
An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.  “A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.
 “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continued, “The other wolf is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person too.”
The grandson thought about this for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Who will you let win today?

Bug update

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Apparently, I haven’t done one of these in a loooooooooooong time, and people have decided to harass me about it.  So here goes: _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

At 28-and-a-half months:
*Both bugz are halfway potty-trained.  They know when they need to go and ask, but we don’t always have time to consistently wear big-girl panties with our schedule.  But they get it.
*They are chatterboxes.  Both can articulate what they want, but they also slip into their twinspeak when they play together.
*Kit-kat is really bossy!!
*C-boo is … manipulative and demanding
*Whining has become a bit of an issue lately
*They’ve been sleeping in their big-girl beds since their 2nd birthday without issue, although lately they have switched beds
*C-boo is obsessed with peanut butter and toast
*Kit-kat may have broken the 25lb mark, but C-boo is still hovering around 23-24lbs.
*They go to a dayhome 1-2 days each week
*I can finally get their curly blonde hair into real ponytails!!
*They are wearing mostly size 2 clothes, with the occasional 18-month thrown in.  For shorts and skirts, I can even get away with 12-month because they have such tiny waists and bums :)
*They *might* have a slight shoe obsession, but they love their rainboots most of all!
*They know their animals and the noises they make
*Favourite videos include the Leap Frog DVDs, Princess & the Frog, and Pinocchio
*C-boo’s favourite letter is “B”.  I don’t know why…
*They can count (recite): 2, 3, 4, 5.  I’m not sure what happened to 1
*We are definitely having issues with behaviour and bedtime lately, as well as generally pushing every hot-button I have at any given time.  Terrible twos, anyone??
*They like to “help” me garden … and by “help”, I mean dig up my plants.  Next summer, I will give them their own dirt patch to plant and grow
*OMG, do they ever know how to fight with each other!
*I am constantly surprised at the grown-up things they can do, like climbing the stairs instead of crawling and drinking out of a real cup without spilling
*They love having their toenails painted
*Their imaginations run wild and I love to just sit quietly and watch them play together
*They can get down and boogie if the tunes are right!
*They love to draw with chalk, and I love that I can leave them unattended while they colour without worrying about cleaning up a mess after!
*Both of them love their fleece blankets from Great Gramma and drag them all around the house, wrapped up like little queens.
*They always ask to wash their hands after a meal, and they know to grab a towel if they spill something
*They love splashing in puddles
*They give each other kisses and hugs, and it just melts my heart!
*They also ask for lots of hugs and kisses from us too
*They are still my favourite bugz :)