Serves me right…

Posted on May 6, 2011 by Meaghan

Maybe it was God telling me that I’m too old for impulsive actions… _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

The piercing is gone. Nurse Sherrie performed the extraction for me last night while I laid on her bathroom floor cringing and holding my breath. Surprisingly, it only hurt half as much as I thought it would. It was more nauseating than anything.

The mass/growth/thing reached a critical point yesterday. It covered the piercing jewellery completely and was only getting worse. It was actually pushing the piercing through the hole, back into my nose!! Gross!! That made the stud in my nose spin and hang out my nostril constantly, which was just about as attractive as the growth itself. I was at the point last night where I thought that I could actually give it a good tug and pull it through the hole completely. Gag….

It went from people saying, “Oh, that happened to mine” to “Oh dear gawd, I’ve never seen that before!!!” At that point, I realized I’d lost all hope of recovering my pretty little piece of impulsive self-decoration.

So Sherrie pinned me to the floor and extracted the offensive stud. We coated it in a ionic silver gel to keep the germs at bay and help it heal gently. Please, let that work and save me a $200 trip to the dermatologist…

I won’t post a picture; imagine the last one, only 3 or 4 times worse than that. This morning, it is starting to seem a little less offended. Still huge, but shrinking a little. Or not. Maybe it’s just sunk into the space that my jewellery occupied…

Lesson learned: I am not cool enough to pierce anything ever again.

{30 days of truth}: Day two

Posted on May 5, 2011 by Meaghan

Something I love about myself: _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

I’m sure that this is a scary subject for most people to write about since we are taught to be modest about our successes, but this was an easy topic for me.

I love myself.

And by that, I mean that I love my self. With my 30th birthday just around the corner, I am very proud of how far I have come in my adult life:

At 18, I was still so painfully shy and self-conscious that I only spoke to 5 people in my entire first year of post-secondary education: 3 girls I went to high school with, my Spanish partner (and only the dialogue given), and a girl in my Earth Sciences class. I dropped out of the Grant MacEwan dance program after 10 days because I was physically ill at the prospect of stepping outside my comfort zone, even though I’d worked my azz off to make it through the auditions with only 4 years of formal dance training (and no ballet!).

The only place I felt safe was on stage, lost in a piece of music, letting my body lead me. Even then, I was painfully aware of my need to be perfect in the eyes of everyone else at the same time. I worked hard to be the best in my comfort zone; I never pushed beyond that to the next level. I stayed safe and stagnant. Afraid of change.

Then I met my husband. Well, re-met my husband, since we’d known each other from high school

He challenged and taunted me, joking that I’d been raised in a cardboard box, pushing me to try new things. He said he wouldn’t propose to me until I became more adventurous. Funny enough, he proposed to me 3 days before I went ice climbing for the first time, although he didn’t think I’d go through with the climb at the time. I showed him

My 20s were a roller coaster of highs and lows, riddled with depression, anxiety, denial and self-deprication. Such is the life of a late-bloomer in the ballet world, trying to hard to make up for lost time, just to be recognized as a teacher. When I finally broke free of that world and moved in the health and wellness realm, it was a welcome breath of fresh air, but it was short. Our wedding and whirlwind pregnancy led me down another dark path that took me nearly 2 years to come out of.

The person I am today is strong, confidence, self-reliant and happy. Of course I’m still nervous and anxious about change, but I know how to recognize and deal with it. I can be energetic, charming, buoyant and infectious. I can inspire and be inspired, and feel good about it instead of hypocritical. Most of all, I can recognize and appreciate my weaknesses and learn how to grow from them; I can cultivate my strengths.

I am ten times the person I was for most of my 20s, and I am proud of the journey that has led me this far. I am proud of the person I am today, despite my flaws and failings, and being able to honour and respect my self is what I love most about myself.

Fighting vanity

Posted on May 4, 2011 by Meaghan

I have to do something very difficult today. _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

I have to wash away my vanity and go out in public with this:

I know, it’s disgusting. I try to keep things clean on the blog, but some things need to be shared with the world.

This is my nose piercing. It is beyond irritated from the constant nose-blowing that accompanied my cold, so much so that it has grown itself a … well, growth?

Can you even find the jewellery?? *shudder*

I’m not taking it out – everything I’ve read says to leave the jewellery in so that the piercing can drain. I’m giving it warm compresses and using a silver salve to keep it clean and help it heal. It doesn’t hurt; it scabs over and looks even worse than this picture, but it doesn’t hurt.

It just looks gross. And I can’t wear makeup over it, or rather, I shouldn’t wear makeup over it. Unfortunately, I see a lot of people in a day! Today alone I have to meet and present to a new moms group in Spruce Grove!

What do I do, what do I do?? If I use a cover-up, it will prolong the healing. If I keep it open, I am exposing the world to that nastiness! Sooooo gross

My vanity is taking a beating right now. I’ve never had really awful skin problems, so I don’t know how to deal with this. I know it’s silly, and that most people probably wouldn’t look twice, but it’s all I can think of…

Winding down with tea

Posted on May 3, 2011 by Meaghan

…I went home and went to sleep for nearly 3 hours. This cold is kicking my azz It’s not even the symptoms at this point; it’s the fatigue. I’m walking around in this semi-conscious haze, unable to concentrate for more than a few seconds at a time. Just writing this is taking every ounce of focus I have! All 3 of us JDance ladies are sick (or getting sick), so we are collectively taking tomorrow off to recover and hopefully kick this bug. Fingers crossed… _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

…I didn’t fight with or yell at my bugz once today. In this haze of sickness, I feel a huge victory. Maybe it’s because my temper is buried in used kleenex, or maybe we have finally found a way to co-exist peacefully. Regardless of method, I’ll take it. It soothes my heart.

…I voted. Our voting station was right next to the rural school playground, so I let my bugz run freely in the park afterward. They were good little citizens, helping me exercise my freedoms. They enjoyed a hot bath at home, followed by cereal for supper and an episode of Max & Ruby (the newest obsession…)

…Go over to SweetJB and congratulate my friend Jessica on winning her local Biggest Loser competition!! Lots of dedication and hard work from a mom of two young boys – I am so proud of her commitment. Way to go Jess

…We are thinking of getting a “safe” trampoline for our yard: one of the fully-enclosed, springless (or springs-covered) models. I think it would be a great way to ~~trap~~ ~~corral~~ entertain the bugz for endless hours this summer and tire them out

…My nose piercing is disgustingly irritated from all this nose blowing. It looks like it has it’s own little hemorrhoid. Yes, Gramma, that visual IS for you xoxo

…To bed, to sleep I go. The bugz are still going to the dayhome in the morning, but I will be returning to bed as soon as I drop them off. Good night all…

Still sick :(

Posted on May 2, 2011 by Meaghan

Yesterday was the light at the end of the tunnel. _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

Today I see why: I am most likely dead.

No, really. Why else would I be slogging through this semi-consciousness, attempting to fight my way through to victory when the rest of the sane world would be curled up in bed?

The sunshine perked me up yesterday, helped along with a multitude of naps and lazing about. My darling bugz are finally behaving themselves (fingers crossed, knock wood). I thought that surely I was on the upswing from this devious illness.

I was wrong.

So very wrong.

Never have I felt more wrong than when I was standing in front of a preschool dance class, surrounded by twelve 3-5 year olds (FIVE BOYS???), hacking up a lung. Trying to maintain an ounce of control over their wild tendencies. Tears streaming down my cheeks.

One more class down, slightly better because it was parented. Ah, extra helping hands… But three more classes to go, and my head feels heavy and light at the same time, and my legs just feel plain heavy, and I can barely keep my eyes open, and all I can think of is how I am supposed to get through 3 jazz classes, pick up my kids, vote before the polls close at 7:30pm and get home, fed and to bed before I lose consciousness.

Hooray for run-on sentences.

I am so tired. I am so very, very sick. I am so lost for words.

Sunday gratitude

Posted on May 1, 2011 by Meaghan

The only thing missing is someone to come and clean out my office!
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Sunshine streaming through my windows
Hardly any snow left on the ground, and most of the yucky snow mold washed away by the first spring rain showers
Birds and frogs chirping together (although the frogs could stand to zip it for a few hours at night!!!!)
Our slough filled with water and many new creatures
Paycheques to deposit and bills paid on time
Extra time with Sherrie this week, as she kindly helped by picking up my bugz when I was working late
Better bug-behaviour this morning
Still rottenly sick, but feeling better
Stained glass crafts:

Buying dishes and a new toy for our new family member who will be here on Friday!
Good cell coverage, meaning that we can talk to Leith each night and text throughout the days
Good weather north of Ft Nelson BC, which means he’ll be home sooner rather than later (fingers crossed!)
Clean floors
Phone calls from the bank, telling us our paperwork is ready to sign!
Business decisions that both a) relieve stress, b) provide direction and c) inspire!
An early Mother’s Day brunch with my mom, which will actually be a lunch, which will be tasty
Toddler-wearing in the Mei Tai, soothing tempers and refuelling patience:

Watching Netflix in bed, be it Mad Men or Max and Ruby
Listening to them sing and dance: “Waka Waka Rosie, husha husha, we All! Fall! Down!”
Good friends who help you when you’re too stubborn to ask for help
The lure of the greenhouses and early spring planning (but not planting … yet!)
Lots of Kleenex
Blogs to read and be inspired by
Taxes done, and a generous return on its way!
The absolute beauty of this life, regardless of chaos and stress, knowing that we are building something incredible

Calling it

Posted on May 1, 2011 by Meaghan

Technically, I have 3 days left in my sugar-fast but I’m calling it a loss today instead of sticking it out until the end. _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

Why? Why, when I’m so close to crossing this challenge off my list of 101 in 1001, would I forfeit??

The answer is quite simple: it didn’t work.

Well, it worked in the sense that I removed all refined sugar and added sweeteners from my foods for 27 days. What it didn’t do is clean up my diet and kill my sweet tooth. In fact, it left me hungrier (even when I was eating plenty) and unsatisfied right up to the bitter end.

Don’t get me wrong: I didn’t removed all sugar from my diet. I ate plenty of fruit, milk and whole grains. This was not an Atkins’ experiment in any way. And truthfully, I did like some of the alternatives I found to my normal sugar-binges, like carob powder mixed into my ricotta cheese and more fresh strawberries than I thought I could ever eat.

Unfortunately, I think that I need to put a lot more time and planning into this challenge before I try it again. I was super-strict but it lacked execution…which led to a very unbalanced diet in April.

And to be quite frank, the stress of the past few weeks coupled with the cold I am battled made this whole challenge a pain in the azz. While it stopped me from bingeing my stresses away, it would have been nice to have a little bit of comfort food. Sugar does create a chemical response in the brain, and that serotonin spike would have been nice a few times here and there…

I gave in two nights ago and started taking raw honey for my cough. I decided it fell into a grey area: it was pure, natural and unrefined (thank you in-laws!) and I wasn’t adding it to anything. I expected the straight shot of sweetness would shock my system. Instead? Nothing. It tasted like honey, and that was it. None of the headache, upset stomach or other symptoms of a sugar-free diet I’d heard of. Nothing.

Thus, I am calling it quits. I’d rather redo the whole challenge and get the results I’m looking for that falsely finish it for the sake of crossing it off my list. Rotten integrity…

MagzD Life

Monthly Archives: May 2011