How’s that for a change?

Granted, where I am now is at my kitchen table: blogging, instead of finishing the gigantic task of cleaning out my office.

But I digress… (obviously)

I’ve been giving a lot of thought as to why I feel so good lately.  I think that I am finally (finally!) comfortable in my own skin.  I know who I am and what I am.  I don’t know where I’m going, but I also don’t need to know anymore.  I am okay with letting life happen and unfold as it will.

I know what makes me happy.  I know what reactions serve me best.  I know how to manage those reactions and how to dissect them so that I can remain calm in the face of conflict. 

I know how to soothe myself when it is within my control.  Things that aren’t within my control take a lot more work (like when my dog was trying to die…yeesh) but even then, I can put on a public face and work through my emotions in private.

I’ve stopped pretending.  I’ve stopped flowing with what people expect of me.  I’ve started just being.  That doesn’t mean that I put up a wall or draw a line and refuse to budge.  It means that I know in my heart where I stand on almost everything, so I don’t need to make a stand.  I can definitely blog my feelings about opposing views, but I can also just smile and nod and know where I am is reassurance enough for myself.

I don’t need everyone to like me or want me.  I am happy with those who choose to, but I don’t fault those who travel elsewhere.  We are all on our own journeys, and it isn’t my place to judge their choices.

I’ve given up on hate and anger.  Yes, I still get angry, but I find it much more to feel the sting of momentary anger, honour it, and move on.  No grudges, no pain.  I have held onto far too much negativity in my life to keep a storage space.  It is impossible to understand all the events that lead up to someone’s negative actions, so it would be ridiculous for me to hold on to the momentary anger caused by them.

Smile, nod, and have faith in myself.

I am happy with who I am.  I make no excuse for the lifestyle, choices or beliefs I have.  Not everyone will agree with me, and that is their right.  I am me, open and existing, and if your journey causes you to cross paths with me, then I hope we enjoy our time together.

I am happy where I am