This has been a horrible week.
(I will say this – yesterday was amazing, because I got to stand beside a dear, sweet friend when she was married…just so that you don’t think my whole life sucks right now!!)
Monday was a breaking point. When C-boo was screaming in pain again on Tuesday, I tricked her into another suppository when she thought I was giving her bum cream. She is so terrified that she held that sucker in for over 90 minutes.
90 minutes. She held in a stimulant laxative for 90 minutes because she is so afraid of the pain she feels when she goes to the bathroom.
I broke. I called her pediatrician for am appointment. Her regular doctor was unavailable, but they got us in with another for Wednesday. After a lengthy interview with the intern, the doctor was able to also discuss things with our regular pediatrician. I had to hold my child down while she bucked, screamed, shook, clawed and wailed so that they could look at the outside of her bum.
Keep her on the powder laxative. We will ignore that you are telling us that she already takes the same amount we’re suggesting, every day since August and mostly every day since the summer before. Take her for x-rays, because we feel stools in her abdomen, which you told us there were. She’s probably constipated, even though you told us that her stools are softer than applesauce and completely unresponsive to the powder laxative in terms of frequency.
I requested blood work for both her and Kit-kat, and held C-boo while she sobbed into my chest as they took 4 vials of blood.
We went for x-rays today, which confirmed that her poor body is literally quite full of shit.
The doctor’s office called with the same advice:
Keep her on the powder and give her a fleet enema today and again tomorrow, and call us on Monday.
I can barely wipe her bum right now without her bucking and screaming away from me.
I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her arms down, lean my full body weight on her, pry her legs open and shove a tube up her bum, hold it there and fill her lower abdomen with saline while she smashed her head against the floor and screamed.
She spent the next half hour cowering in the corner of the couch, shaking. She wouldn’t let me near her. When she finally did go, it was a normal amount of poo and nothing more. It got nowhere near the mass, and I get to do that again tomorrow.
I’ve been sobbing and aching, terrified of what this is doing to my daughter. Physically, I’m sure she is fine. I am scared of what this is doing to her mental health, and what the consequences will be. I am exhausted and beaten, lost and angry and starting (starting?? more like continuing) to feel completely useless.
The “traditional” medical community is not giving me answers or direction. I’m so frustrated and mad, and meanwhile I have to figure out a way to repeat the enema tomorrow when my child will barely come to me for a hug anymore.