I don’t often play my twin card for pity.

I’ve spent the better part of 4-and-a-half years being blessed with twins, not curse. I think it’s awesome in so many ways.

But today? Today, I am a little bit sick of it.

I’m sick of it in the way I imagine any parent with children close in age would be. I’m tired of being constantly tag-teamed by this biological loyalty the two of them share. I’m tired of not having anyone older to point to and say, “Why can’t you follow _____’s example?“

Here’s the thing: being sent to you room with your best friend isn’t punishment. It’s AWESOME. And being put to bed with your best friend? Also awesome.

And when Mommy says NO, you can make waaaaaay more noise with your best friend than you ever could on your own.

And when Mommy gives you separate chores to help with, she can only really check on one of you at a time. So if it’s not your turn to be checked on, you’re home free!

And if she separates you, you can scream really loudly for your dear, sweet sister and you know that it will make her heart bleed.

Oh, and you can both totally play on Daddy’s guilt about being away. And you can totally pretend like you’re both angels when he IS home, so that he doesn’t really know what you act like every day. Basically, you can totally lie to him!!

So here I am, with my twins physically separated after a very long, disobedient, disrespectful, trying week. I am at the end of my rope. We’ve talked. I’ve avoided a LOT of yelling…much more than I would normally dole out. We made house rules together, which were promptly broken five minutes after we all agreed to them. As I was reminding them of the rules. In real time.

So I’m done.

I’m torn between a glass of wine, and locking my kids in a room while I go outside to garden. Neither is possible: the only bedroom door we have doesn’t lock, and I’m out of wine.

So in the meantime, you can all enjoy that I am having one of my rare twin-pity parties. They’re few and far between, but when they do sneak up, I go all out.

Yay.