Remember this? And this?

It hasn’t gotten better, despite Lax-a-day and prune juice and probiotics and magnesium citrate and hydration and fibre and exercise and grounding exercises and imagery and stories and photos and Rescue Remedy and rest and biopsies and gluten-free diets.

It hasn’t gotten better.

Do you know why? I don’t. All I know is that my beautiful 4-year old is terrified to go to the bathroom. She thinks it’s punishment and pain, and she is scared. She withholds until she cannot run, jump, play, or dance. She lies and she hides. Her beautiful blue eyes grow wide with fear, as her body roots itself to the ground to block the urge to GO.

And today, I called our paediatrician’s office, and I cried. I cried and cried and cried to the clinic nurse. And she called the Stollery clinic, and she pulled major strings, and she booked us in with the GI specialist for this Wednesday, despite a usual 2-3 month wait. And she booked C-boo for bloodwork this afternoon.

And despite the years of no answers, that clinic is still trying to help us.

And I am so grateful for them.

But today? I am spent.

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