…when you accidentally fart in front of your husband for the first time in 8 years.
And you freeze, and try to ignore it…
…but you see his shoulders shaking as he tries to swallow his laughter…
…and you yell at him to GO AWAY!!
I’m sure it’s embarrassing after 2 or 3 dates. Maybe it’s even embarrassing after a couple of months. All I know is that, after 8 years, it’s downright mortifying.
We have a sacred relationship. Neither one of us poop. We don’t pee in front of each other, and if anyone farts once or twice a year, it’s him.
Not me.
And now, my cover has been blown.
The first time my husband farted in front of me, we were having one of our early, but frequent, tearful breakups. We were sitting across from each other on the floor, and he was explaining to me why we just wouldn’t work. He was crying, I was crying…he leaned forward to hug me and FFFRRRT!
He muttered “Oh God..” and turned bright red. I burst into hysterical laughter. I went on and on, until my tears were from mirth. I wiped my eyes, and looked up.
I caught sight of his T-shirt–Elmer Fudd in full camouflage and an uzi. It said “Wambo.” For some reason, that made it even funnier, and I giggled until I couldn’t sit up anymore.
Needless to say, he didn’t break up with me that night. I knew too much.