It’s no secret that I let myself go this spring. I blame the lack of running, the hectic scheduling, and the wickedly long winter for the sorry state of my physical health these days.
Oh. Don’t forget the stress. Oh, my! I am a stress-eater and a stress-sleeper. Stuff and hide is my motto!
My pants are all too tight. Last year’s shorts don’t button. Were it not for my yoga jeans, maxi skirts, and long, stretchy tank tops, I would be naked right now. As it is, my underwear is riding up my bum because it has quite frankly given up on the enormity of its task.
I don’t hate my body. My body and I have a fairly decent relationship. I love my curves, appreciate my strength, and relish that I will never be a stick-thin, angry waif at war with myself. What I do hate is my habits…or sometimes, lack thereof. I hate my lack of discipline, and the havoc it wreaks on my health when I don’t take care of my body.
When I fuel it with too much junk and too few vegetables.
When I water it with too much coffee and wine, and can’t remember theist time I hit 2 liters of water in a day.
When I step on the scale to weigh Ceilidh Foofer-Snerf (yes, she has a name now!), and find out that I’ve surpassed my heaviest personal non-pregnancy weight sans puppy.
I am not impressed.
But in the midst of all this health-destruction, I was also painfully aware of what I was doing to my body. What has eluded me is the desire to do anything about it. I fell into complete and total apathy, and it shows. It shows in my hair, my nails, my waist, my hips, my skin, my face, my eyes, my sleep, my energy. Everything is affected.
And even after yesterday’s hard, cold bathroom scale slap across my backside, I’m still lacking the drive to do anything. Thus, I am taking baby steps. I refuse to embark on an all-out fitness and health quest when I can barely convince myself to step away from the coffee pot and pour myself a glass of water.
I am taking weekly baby steps, and this week, I am being Mindful. I am watching what I eat (but not necessarily changing it). I am paying attention to how hungry and/or full I am. I am seeing how I feel after meals and snacks. I am deciding what is necessary, and what is just gluttony.
And I am drinking my 2 liters of water a day. Minimum. This is never a problem for me. It’s only a matter of doing it. I usually drink 3+ liters when I’m not being as lazy as I have been. One liter also has apple cider vinegar in it, because gluttony has left me wickedly bloated and I just feel gross.
I don’t know what next week’s baby step will be. Maybe I’ll start recording what I eat, or stopping when I’m 80% full. I’m not sure. But for this week, I will just pay attention and keep my mind full with my actions instead of my apathy.