Category Archives: Gratitudes

Keurigs and Kittehs

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April sucked. It sucked so much, in almost every area it could suck. We evicted our tenants. I spent our savings on our empty duplex. We had a huge sale fall through. A window freaking fell out of the duplex in a storm. Petey ran away and hasn’t been back since. And the list goes on.

Finally, my Keurig full-out exploded. Hot coffee grounds from floor to ceiling and all over me. No amount of drying and cleaning saved it, either. Believe me, I tried.

And with no coffee, I gave up all hope for the future.

Seriously:

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It exploded.

The thin thread I’d been holding on by slowly disintegrated before my eyes. No coffee. No hope.

But there were forces at work in the universe. Well, in the twitterverse, to be specific. While I wallowed in despair, some amazing people starting to come together. And on Friday of that same desperate week, I met Natasha at the park.

And in her car, she had this:

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From her. And Tom. And Sarah. And Dash. And Darci. And Raymie. And April. And I cried big fat tears.

I was speechless.

I was blown away.

I was unbroken. Pieced back together with love and kindness. Amazed by the hearts of the community I love so much. Some whom I know in real life and cherish dearly, others whose voices I’ve never heard speak.

And now I have the opportunity to give them thanks with every cup:

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So, thank you, for helping me and supporting me in that very dark hour. Thank you for being the light in my world when I needed it the most. Thank you for being there.

Thank you for giving me strength, so that when we realized Petey probably wasn’t coming home, I was able to deal with it. Because in the last week, we lost Petey and the promise of our new puppy later this summer.

We’d priced out Mastiff pups, and had two breeders who were expecting June litters. Sadly, one’s pregnancy didn’t take and the other didn’t come into season in time for summer babies. So my 250lb furball dreams are put on hold.

Leith has been missing Petey a lot too, and so have the girls. Thus, we took a trip to the Parkland County Animal Shelter today and picked up this guy:

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Meet Kitty Soft Paws. He’s embarrassed by his name, but he’ll get over it. Kit-kat had him named before we even got to the shelter. He’s 5 weeks of spunk and spitfire, and he has the chiweenie torn between mad love and heartbreak. I’m sure they’ll be cuddling in no time.

And the best part? He’s a polydactyl. He has 7 toes on each front paw, which apparently makes him very lucky.

I think that we can use all the luck we can get.

Kitties and Keurigs. Sometimes the simplest things in life have the greatest depth. It’s all up from here.

100 hearts

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I cannot believe it has been one year since THIS happened. It has been one hell of a year, readjusting to the demands of living my dream with a family in tow. My house has never been so messy and disorganized, and my heart has never felt so full.

I can’t even sum up the past 369 days since Kristi called me up with this opportunity. There has not been a single moment that I have regretted. It has been the single most incredible year of my entire teaching career. I have been blessed beyond belief.

My students have become an extension of my heart, to the point where I miss them in between classes. I even care SO MUCH about the students that I don’t teach! I can’t explain it. It’s like motherhood: you can’t describe the wholeness of it. You can only feel it.

Of course there were difficult moments. There were issues to deal with and personalities to learn. There were very busy times, and very stressful times. There were days when my own girls foraged for food while I was locked in my office. There were days when I foraged for food because I hadn’t been grocery shopping!! But it was all worth it in more ways than I could ever write here.

Of course there were awards. There were medals and celebrations and cheers. But there were also ice cream parties and crazy chicken sleeping bags dances. There were surprise older dancer hugs, and constant 3-year old hugs. I’m actually surprised my 3-year olds danced at all with all the hugging they had to get in!!

There were cards. There were flowers. There were emails. There were moments when the outpouring of gratitude from my dance family knocked the breath out of me and left me tear-stained and in love.

My family grew by over 100 young hearts, and their families who supported them and me. I have cried more overwhelmed happy tears this year than any year before. I have felt fulfilled in a whirlwind of chaos.

I have felt grateful.

I have felt whole.

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Listography #10 and on…

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I am STRESSED RIGHT NOW!! Holy cow. Our empty duplex has been for sale for 4 weeks, and I am freaking out a little. Since I like to make lists to soothe my stress, I thought I’d spend the morning catching up on my listography! I’ve skipped one of the lists in the past couple of months, since I don’t have a son, and then just ended up distracted and not blogging! So here goes:

List #10: In my dream home:

Truth be told, I love our house. I’d love it more with a few upgrades, and maybe some baseboards. But if I was going to go all-out, here’s what I’d be sure to add:

  • First and foremost, a housekeeper. Someone to cook and clean, shop for groceries, do my laundry (and actually put it away), tidy up, file my paperwork…and rub my feet. They do that, right?
  • A laundry chute. This was THE SELLING FEATURE at The Acreage, and I can’t imagine another house without one. Even if the laundry is on the same floor, I want a magic transportation tube for it.
  • Central vac with the baseboard suction hole thingies for sweeping. Magic. Pure magic.
  • A garbage disposal. I miss scraping plates into the sink.
  • A master ensuite with a big bathtub and walk-in shower, and (more importantly) water that smells really nice.
  • A bigger closet. Not a walk-in closet…just a bigger closet in every room with built-in shelves and drawers.
  • Floor-to-ceiling windows in my living room. We already kind of have that…but I want MOAR!!!
  • A walk-out patio from my master bedroom :)
  • A new deck, with a hot tub that is sheltered but open. Like a pergola, but no spiders living in the corners.
  • A slightly bigger kitchen with a gas range/big hood vent, and room for an island. If we could transpose my mom’s kitchen layout into my house, it would be perfect. I love my current kitchen style though.
  • Equal-sized bedrooms for my girls.
  • A finished basement that walks out to our fire pit, doesn’t smell like cat pee, and has a guest bedroom suite PLUS an office (rather than crammed into the same room…)
  • A broom closet. A cleaning closet. Some kind of storage space on the main floor for the vacuum that isn’t just my hallway.
  • A non-cave-like laundry room. Something with sunlight.

List #11: Best Blog Posts I’ve Written

This is really hard. I have to give up a little modesty and admit that some of my posts were pretty decent, whether from my own feelings, conversations generated, or traffic.

Surprisingly? Nothing about coconut oil. Hmm.

List #12: What I love about spring

I love spring. This year, it would appear we are skipping spring. So, this is more or less a list of what I can vaguely remember about this mythical “spring” season:

  • Longer days!! Coming out of class at 9pm to daylight! Wheee!!
  • Snow melting into puddles, splashing in those puddles
  • Walking to the mailbox each day
  • The first backyard fire of the year
  • The smell of sunshine in my girls’ hair at bedtime
  • Walking the chiweenie, without having to carry her because she’s cold
  • Planning my garden, and turning up the soil once it’s thawed
  • The dance season wrap-up, complete with dance festivals and fun days :)
  • Opening up the windows, and sleeping with fresh air in the room!
  • The first rain showers, and the first thunderstorms of the year!
  • That first hint of green washing through the trees
  • Pussy willows
  • Running outside

Now, with that taken care of, it’s time for me to go and do my duplex-selling dance with C-boo so that we can get rid of all this stress! Wish us luck!!

 

I remember

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I was blessed with wonderful teachers in high school and junior high. Often, a small rural school is at a disadvantage: one class for each grade (two if you’re lucky), and the same teachers for each subject from grades 7 through 12. Hopefully, you click with your teacher at the tender young age of 12. If not, the next 6 years are an uphill struggle.

That was my case for math and physics. I had a great teacher, but we just didn’t click. I have a lot of respect for him: we had a shouting match in the hallway the one-and-only-time I ever walked out of a class, and he apologized to me first. Not many authority figures are willing to step up and admit they were in the wrong. It wasn’t enough to save my interest in math or physics, but I still have a tremendous amount of respect for him to this day.

English and Social Studies were another case altogether. My English teacher crosses my mind every time I reach for a new book. I think of her every time I write a sentence, hoping that it measures up to her standards. In a way, her talents were wasted on high school curricula. She should have been teaching masters’ classes in literature, but she stayed on at our little school and inspired me to be the writer (and reader) that I am today. I owe her so much…

Then there was Mr. B. Our principal, a fun man with a passion for old cars and airplanes. He was obsessed (in our minds) with war history. As the leader of the local Cadet chapter, it was a fitting obsession. His Social Studies classes were light-hearted at times, but his passion drove the points home. It’s been nearly fourteen years since I sat in his class, and yet I can still remember details about the history of our 20th century wars with such detail! He was goofy, and he was easily distracted, but he taught us in his own was about the importance of our history.

Because of him, I bow my head every November 11. I cry when I hear about members of our armed forces who have sacrificed their lives for others’ well-being and ultimate happiness. The collective movement for a collective betterment, so much bigger than just one person here and there.

He inspired me. I might have remained a disrespectful child, pulling my poppy apart to make red lips if he hadn’t pounded on his desk, face red, booming about the respect we ought to show when someone made a joke in the back of the classroom.

His stories stuck with me as I wrote historical fiction for his language arts class, capturing the emotion of a World War I soldier trapped far from home. A piece that won me an award from the Legion, and had veterans in tears when they read it. He brought our history to life in such a way that I have to remember.

I have to take the time to Remember today. To give thanks to the people whom I will never meet, but were brought to life in our classroom. Our tiny school, in our tiny town. Lost in fields of grain and cattle, we were taught to remember, and to respect.

Thank you, Mr. B., for inspiring a generation (no matter how small we are), to respect, and to remember.

 

Soul {filled}

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As you already know, I spent the past weekend in Cochrane with one of my dearest friends. One of those friends who, despite the miles and the years and the changes, can speak to my soul and make me feel at home no matter where we are in the world or what life is throwing at us.

That friend is my Sku.

We’ve been friends since we were 13 years old, lived together, worked together, created nicknames and secret languages together. We share so much in common, yet we’ve never really fought. She’s my kindred, my common ground, even with our differences. And this past weekend, I was so blessed to have her shine more light into my life.

I decided to stay with my Sku because she lives close enough to the race course that it was a perfect excuse for extra visiting! The almost-4 hour travel time means grabbing these opportunities when I can!! But the weekend was so much more than just sleeping and running.

She taught me to jam :)

I’ve been musical for most of my life. I can play the piano, the saxophone, and the flute…although it’s been years for most of them. I’m sure I’d pass out if I tried to get through any song on the sax or flute…or my jaw would seize up! One of the things I admire most about my Sku is her voracious passion for music. She has learned almost everything under the sun: piano, percussion, drums (all kinds! not just drum kits!), violin, guitar, banjo…! She has written more songs than I can name, and has even placed in the Calgary Folk Music Festival songwriters’ competitions! She records her music, and she teaches as well. When she moved to her new home, I was in awe of her entire room dedicated to music.

It’s one of my biggest regrets: not continuing to practice music as an adult. The problem lies in my instruments of choice. While the piano is beautiful, it just isn’t functional for me. It takes up space and it isn’t portable. You just can’t take a piano camping! And each new piece of music takes time and effort to learn. The saxophone and flute? Well…they’re lovely in a group, but I have very little opportunity to meet with a jazz band to keep my skills from rusting. So, for awhile, I’ve wondered if I could ever learn to play the guitar.

Enter Sku.

After my race on Saturday, we went out to the gorgeous sprawling ranch home of one of her banjo classmates. I expected a dozen or so people, and some low-key plucking away at songs. Instead, I was met with over 60 people (easily), half of whom played some sort of instrument. There were a dozen fiddlers, at least 6 guitars, mandolins, ukeleles, autoharps, upright basses, and of course, banjos.

There was also this incredible 9-year old kid with spoons.

But what was more amazing than seeing  all of these musicians was hearing them. Sitting in a room no bigger than our kitchen/dining room, one person would call out a song, and everyone would pick up and play. Some would also sing. The energy of the live music surrounded me as the notes flowed through the air. I felt light-headed at times, listening to songs from the 1890′s all the way through to songs from my childhood. At one point, I had to fight back tears from the beauty of the music.

I felt alive.

So I summoned up my courage and asked my Sku to teach me. And she did! Sitting in her living room the next morning, she patiently walked me through my first guitar lesson. Within the half hour, my fingers and wrists were aching as she coached me through a disjointed, slow “Going to the Zoo”! The whole song! It was incredible!!

Even more incredible was when she offered to lend me one of her guitars so that I could keep practicing at home. And I have been! Each day, I take her guitar out of the case, tune it slowly, and begin to pluck away… G, G, D, G…strum, strum, strum. Pause, change, strum, pause, change, strum. Slowly learning to master a new art.

Something so simple, but made so much more beautiful at the hands of a beloved friend. These moments that might be so meaningless are made special because of that bond and that history. The lack of judgment is so refreshing in a world of drama. My soul is so full after this weekend.

I am so blessed to have a Sku in my life.

de Nam

{lost}

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My head was swimming. Everything sounded muffled and fuzzy, like I was underwater. My throat was choked, and I had to will my breath to stay consistent.

My eyes scanned the playground, crystal clear, but it still felt like nothing was in focus.

She can’t be lost. She’s here. She’s somewhere. LOOK HARDER!

I circled the playground, teeming with dozens of preschool kids. All of them looked the same. WHY WERE THEY ALL BLONDE?? Every kid had coloured streaks in their hair from Beaners, every kid was wearing shorts.

I will not panic. I will not be THAT mom. There’s no way she is lost. Oh shit, she doesn’t have her backpack on! Her backpack has my phone number.

I burst into the bathroom, calling her name. No answer. I met the eyes of another mom. She saw the fear. “Oh fuck” was all she said to me. Amen, sister.

Stay calm. What are you going to do? Do you ask people? But what if they just saw her sister? Same kid. How will you know? Should you call the police? WHAT DO YOU DO??? There’s a road, this is the end of the park, she could have gone anywhere, be anywhere. 

WHERE IS SHE???

And then, a volunteer in a yellow shirt saw the frantic look in my eyes, panic bubbling under the surface as I clung to my last shreds of public dignity. “Are you missing a little girl?”

“Katie??”

“We have her.”

The rest? A blur. Walking, walking, walking so far to the information tent. Crackles on the two-way radio, confirming that mom was found. Little blonde braided pigtails flying through the air, wrapping arms and legs around me, burying noses in each others necks.

“Oh Mommy, I lost you! I was so worried! I couldn’t see you!”

Shhh, baby. It’s okay. You’re safe.

That brief second where her curiosity tore her from the swing set towards the back of a food tent. Playing with a water hose, distracted. Then, lost.

Gone.

No more mommy, just strangers. All alone.

Thank God the volunteers found my sweet baby, and that she was brave enough to tell them her name.

Thank God she is safe.

Counting up

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…slowly! I have been such a slacker with these posts. Honestly! I’m a little bit frustrated with myself…

But while I’m not blogging them, or journalling them, I am counting my gifts every single day. It’s overwhelming at times, getting to stop and feel completely overwhelmed at the fullness of life.

So while this isn’t from a counted list, I am still adding and counting today because that is what truly matters.

274. Acupuncture for ridiculous headaches

275. Starting NAET treatments next week with a consultation

276. Passionfruit tea

277. Super-soft bubble hoodies – a luxurious treat for my little girls

278. Snuggling fresh new babies

279. Safe arrivals :)

280. Sunshine after days of rain

281. The power back on after a 2-hour outage this morning!

282. Remembering the flurry of excitement 5 years ago as we prepared to become husband and wife

283. Constant, overwhelming support for my renewed dream

284. Catching up with old friends at Zumba

285. Dancing, moving, shaking, grooving

286. Running, never stopping

287. Greek yogurt and homemade granola

288. Learning about scobies and kefir, and buying gallon pickle jars ;)

289. Quiet time to myself

290. Catching up on blogs

291. Cucumber and carrots with dip

292. Little “I love you’s” whispered in hugs

293. Their creativity

294. Watching them dance and spin and twirl

295. Playing outside for hours in the fresh air

296. Fresh sheets

297. Picking dandelions to make our own wine

298. Opening the windows to let the spring breeze in

299. Little green shoots finally poking up through the dirt

300. Spontaneous hugs

Hey, May!

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May is going to be awesome. I know this because:

  • Leith got called out to Ft MacMurray for 3 weeks today. This would normally throw me into a fetal position, but with our financial diet in full gear, 21 days of 12-hr shifts sounds pretty good to us!! Hello, overtime!!
  • His office did fix the paperwork screw up, so we did get paid in full…which means all my bills will be paid today – yay!!
  • I get to pick up my bugz’ first dance pictures this week
  • I’m going to see my bestest Suzi this weekend for a training run in Cochrane, just 4 weeks before the Footstock half marathon!
  • I get to buy new underwear!! Woohoo!
  • May means almost summer, which means PLANTING MY GARDEN!!! The nursery in my living room is getting out of control…
  • The start of morning coffees out on our deck :)
  • Erin is going to have her baby this month!
  • The greenhouses are in full swing, which means I can go and get all my beautiful flowers for my yard soon!
  • It’s Celiac Awareness Month
  • I have a new treadmill to play with, and it’s oh-so-beautiful
  • I get to keep Shredding, which is giving me oh-so-beautiful arms ;)
  • There’s sunshine everywhere, and long daylight hours for playing outside
  • I’m thisclose to getting my devil IUD ripped out!
  • I can buy groceries at the farmers’ markets soon – outside! In the sun!
  • The first baby wearing walk of the year is on May 23
  • We will be celebrating our 5-year anniversary on May 25 – so far, so very good

Although we’re guaranteed to have a few ups and downs, I’d say we have a lot to look forward to this month!

What are you excited for in May?

Counting up

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Sooo…April was kind of a bust in a lot of habit-keeping areas. One thing that fell by the wayside was counting my gifts. So while this list is short, with a lot missing in the middle, rest assured that I did not miss any of my gifts in the past 4 weeks. I just neglected to write them down ;)

248. Silly wisps of fog being chased away by the morning sun

249. Fluffy yellow dresses

250. Excellent customer service, via social media

251. A fresh, clean house

252. Measuring cups and spoons that click together!

253. This moment

254. A lunch bag full of healthy snacks for us

255. Flourless chocolate cookies

256. Quiet snuggles and Gravol

257. Sunshine and no jackets!!

258. Seeds planted, and waiting for the ground to thaw

259. Fuzzy soft puppy ears

260. Earth Day: celebrating the world around us

261. A return to bikram yoga…and surviving

262. Less pain than expected after a 15km run

263. When they sneak into our bed to snuggle

264. Playing for hours in the sunshine

265. Seeing friends, talking to friends, feeling love everywhere

266. Surprise visits from my parents

267. Freshly tilled earth

268. Their bathtub giggles

269. Good, real, healthy food for us, every day

270. +20 degree weather in the still-early spring

271. The chi weenie frolicking in the fresh air

272. A strong body, for running, yoga, yard work, playtime

273. Swinging in the sunshine