Category Archives: minivan of doooom

The good, the bad and the awesome!

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I am wide awake at 1am, which hasn’t happened in awhile…  I am really dehydrated, which is a bad-Meaghan move, and when I get dehydrated, I sleep poorly. _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

Thus, here I am for your entertainment pleasure!!
So, the good!  I am having an incredible week.  Don’t get me wrong: Sunday was rough, and Monday morning found me looking like I’d been on the receiving end of hit-by-a-bus.  But things began to perk up Monday night and have been on a full-fledged roll since then.  It is soooooo nice :)  A lot of the goodness has come with some logistical stress (i.e., too many phone calls and automated menus), but the end results have been so staggering that I’ll take the collective group of Please-Press-Ones out for a drink to celebrate!
I feel good.  I feel alive and energetic and happy.  It is such a good headspace to be in!  I feel aware, too.  When I feel my anxieties creeping up (not worries, just the physical feeling of anxiety – yuck), I am recognizing and finding myself able to talk myself through it, acknowledge and respect the feeling, and move past it.  There has been a lot of excitement in my life, and I tend to get wrapped up in the moment and crash with overwhelm, so this newly learned trick has been well-used lately.  I am so thankful for that :)  I love that I can create a barrier to negative headspace, and keep myself from sinking too far at any given time.  Control of one’s thoughts is an incredible power!
I also got to fall asleep tonight in a soft bed with a fuzzy, fleecy-footed bug on either side of me.  They weren’t fighting each other, just loving me – each with a soft toddler arm flung across my chest.  *bliss*
The bad, though?  Ooohhhh, my body is aching!!  Part of it is due to the dehydration: I have been having 2 travel mugs (half a pot!) and an extra cup or two of coffee every day this week.  I have not been drinking nearly that much water, and I was drinking close to 4 litres a day up until mid-week last week.  The past few days, it’s been a litre or 2, and I am feeling the effects.  I feel dull and gross, which encourages me to drink more coffee.  Shame, shame.
Thus, I am back on coffee detox for at least two days.  I am grateful that I do not go through physical withdrawal from caffeine.  I only go through emotional withdrawal ;)  So, no coffee today and Friday – only water.  I should bounce back, and then smarten up for a few weeks until the cycle repeats itself!
The other bad is my aching body.  My physiotherapist is on holidays, but I am seeing her colleague on Friday.  However, we couldn’t tape my knee last Friday because my skin was irritated, and my beloved torturer (obviously) wasn’t at our dance studio for my mid-week tape job.  Thus, I have been dancing straight through since last Thursday without any additional support and I am hurting.  It’s a gross kind of hurt: it’s not sharp, but it’s thick pain.  It’s the pain of swelling, of no room and of misalignment.  It feels gross.
I made it so much better on Tuesday night too: I felt so good and had so much energy that I through caution (and good sense!) into the wind and danced completely full-out in my classes.  It felt incredible!  My lungs burned and my body was exhausted, and I was shaking like a leaf while I drove home.  I’ve been so careful for so long…  I needed to do it, but I’m paying the price ;) I see my temporary torture lady on Friday, so hopefully I can make it through the last 3 classes tomorrow.  The good news is that it’s only the joints that ache.  My muscles aren’t nearly as sore as I would expect, but we’ll leave that up to the IMS needles to decide!!
And finally, the AWESOME!!  We made a decision about Constance, and I am so happy!  Don’t get me wrong: I will cry when I leave her, but the trade that we found was such an incredible deal!  By the end of this week (knock wood!), we will have a 2010 Mitsubishi Outlander with 4WD :)  The price was incredible, our trade-in price was astonishing, the sales people were amazing … it goes on and on.  But what’s even better is the string of good luck that has followed: not only are we dropping our vehicle payments, but I switched auto/home insurance providers and save 50% on my premiums (fifty percent!!!!!), the Outlander is gorgeous and fully-loaded with heated seats, I can get my car starter/alarm taken out of Constance for free AND the salesman is saving Constance for his sister and her family so that she will go to a good and loving home :)
That last point is what makes the separation harder to bear: knowing that Constance will not be left sitting on a cold and empty lot, with a lone street lamp shining down on her broken heart.  Oh, sweet Constance.  You will go to a wonderful young family right away, and they will love you and fill you with all the crushed Cheerios you can hold.  My sweet, dear Constance.  You will not be left at the home for lost and unloved vehicles.  You will be taken care of and appreciated, and that makes me happy.
Sweet Constance…
So, with all said and done, the deal and delivery should be wrapped up by Saturday at the latest!  I am very excited, especially with all the little extras that have followed finding this amazing vehicle.  We really lucked-out, and I feel very confident about the purchase.  Happy happy happy :)
With that, I am going to drink more water and crawl back into bed.  Good night, all!

Dilemma

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You all know Constance: _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

Constance is my beloved minivan of dooooooom.  She came into our lives in July 2008 when we realized that a Jeep Compass just wouldn’t cut it in Twindom.  We were disassembling our double stroller to fit it into the cargo area of the Jeep – disassembling, not just folding down, as in required to remove many pieces to make it fit.
Constance was the beautiful beast of convenience and happiness in our frazzled newborn-parent days.  She was spacious and shiny, smooth and comforting.  She carried our most precious cargo every day.
She has also sucked our bank accounts dry.  You see, Constance required us to trade in my leased Jeep only 14 months into a 48-month lease.  So, Constance’s price tag came with a hefty buy-out heaped on her.  We also got hosed in the “not realizing that 2 bi-weekly payments do not equal a monthly payment” scheme, meaning that $352 bi-weekly, plus the little add-ons and taxes is NOT $700/mo but actually more like $817/mo.
Constance also lacks 4WD, which I hate to say is a must out here in the boonies.  I love my beloved so deeply, but she is less than ideal these days.  She is also a bit of a fuel hog.  Not quite as piggy as my husband’s 3/4 ton truck, but a good $80 fill every 5 days or so :(
So we are pondering: do we trade in our Beloved for something with 4WD or AWD, and a little cheaper on the payments, or do we suck it up and maintain our commitment to her?
I love Constance.  I had a full-on rage attack (in my head…) when an old lady smashed her bumper last winter.  I love this van SO much.  But if we could save $300 a month…?
Ooohhhh, the dilemma.  It hurts to think about.  I think we should, responsibly-thinking.  We don’t need the storage space anymore; we did when all we had was a second Jeep, but now we have Leith’s truck for bike trips or long-hauls required extra cargo.  
But I loooooove Constance.  She is my baby to my babies.  She is just my Constance :(  I know that I shouldn’t become so attached to my inanimate possessions, but Constance is just one of those vehicles.  She was love at first shameful sight!!  She filled in the missing holes and truly made me a mother.
But while she was practical at the time, she isn’t really that practical now :(  She doesn’t carry anymore cargo than a car or SUV would.  We use the truck for big purchases.  She is under-used, although still fully loved and appreciated.  I have driven the truck more than Constance this winter, what with our country roads and excessive snowfalls.
Oh, readers!!  What do I do??  If I traded Constance for a vehicle in the $14-16,000 range, it would cut my monthly payments by OVER $300/m!!
But I’d lose my sweet Constance.
What would you do??

Relaxing

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After a restless and fitful sleep last night, I am SO happy to be off today.  I am so happy to lounge in my pyjamas and drink coffee while my bugz play in the basement.   _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

So much going on in my little brain right now, so much schedule disruption with our day home on holiday this week and next…
Getting up early to drive Leith to work yesterday, only working in the afternoon (well, I worked from home in the morning…but not “at” work until after lunch..), crazy rage-filled bugz and overly-hyper ballerinas tossing foam discs… Sigh…
Life was made much better by a fabulous barista at Starbucks, and a decaf Salted Caramel Mocha.  Yum!!  
Today is going to be about pampering!  I made pancakes for breakfast, and we are watching Beauty and the Beast while Petey curls up next to me.  I’m going to pay some bills (I love payday!), and maybe take my bugz window shopping later this afternoon.
There have been little pockets of awesome (and a huge burst of awesome, but that’s another post for another time…) that have made this discombobulated week better:
  • Getting to call the Canada Revenue Agency, speak to a real person and have my issue resolved in under 5 minutes – no waiting on hold at all!!
  • Running ahead of time on Tuesday, meaning that Liesa and I could treat ourselves to Starbucks on the way to work :)
  • Getting a cheque in the mail from our health insurance provider, reimbursing our physiotherapy bill!  And having another batch of receipts to send off!!  Ledcor has an incredible benefits package, I tell ya.
  • Inspirational comments on my posts about self-esteem and inner beauty :) Thank you for sharing, lovely readers!
  • Turning the radio off to listen to C-boo tell me stories
  • Leith playing house-husband and making chicken and spinach-stuffed dinner rolls from scratch, as well as peanut butter-filled chocolate cookies!
  • A new issue of Clean Eating magazine to peruse
  • Finding out that we have officially paid off half our minivan … and that we may be able to cut our vehicle payments if we traded Constance in for a smaller SUV.  Okay, so that one is bittersweet…can’t decide….
  • Beautiful, gorgeous weather the past few days, above freezing and full of sunshiny goodness
  • That “huge burst of awesome” I mentioned … but far too many details to be hammered out, so I’m not blogging it yet ;)
  • Saving on half a month’s worth of childcare costs, during a time that we are definitely feeling the financial pinch (thank you to my fabulous family!)
  • Getting to sleep in an extra 45 minutes for 3 days this week, although now I am spoiled for next week and onwards!
  • Listening to Leith and the bugz argue about whether the deer in our yard are Bambis or reindeer LOL!
Reflecting on all those little things makes me happy :)  Fridays off are awesome!

This n that

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Welcome to winter!!  We were so lucky to be stuck in Edmonton last night at my parent’s house while our first big storm of the winter hit the area.  Leith made it home safely, thanks to a huge work truck with massive winter tires and 4-wheel drive.  Constance barely made it from the dance studio to my parent’s house, even with winter tires! _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

I am really looking forward to my massage on Friday afternoon now!  It was supposed to be last night, but the roads forced us to cancel.  Thank goodness, because all Deanne’s hard work would have been wasted!  I shared my sister’s old twin bed with my bugz last night – 3 bodies in one very small bed does not equate to a comfortable night’s sleep :(
I also learned that I should have a little emergency overnight bag in my car.  I ran over to the drugstore to buy Pull-ups for the bugz and picked up some bare essentials for make-up.  One thing I forgot to grab?  A toothbrush…  Ahh, vanity ;)  At least I’ll be pretty!!
***
If you’re wondering why I took down my post on fitness trainer certification, wonder no more!  I wasn’t happy with the final post, but my sick fuzzy head isn’t allowing me to edit it properly.  The message worked when I was reading it, but after talking to a couple people, I realized it came across differently.  My mad editing skillz are not cooperating with my type-A personality right now, so I took it down until I can make it work for me!
***
Did I mention I’m sick?  Blargh…  Just in time for my holidays!  It literally hit me a few hours after I finished my last classes on Monday.  Not fair, not fair at all…
***
Dayhome interviews.  I had one on Tuesday morning, and two this afternoon.  The Tuesday morning lady was absolutely wonderful.  She scooped C-boo up in her arms, and Boo wasn’t freaked out like she normally is.  Her set up, however, was less than ideal: a very, very, very small townhouse with one small bedroom upstairs converted into a playroom.  The girls would be the only kids there.  It was just too suffocatingly small for me to feel comfortable.  
I am looking forward to the two interviews today.  The first one is in Spruce Grove – perfect location that is on my way to work, but also allows me to detour to Starbucks :)  She also offered me an incredible price that would make my life SO much easier.  I am keeping my fingers crossed that I like her and her dayhome when we go to visit.
The second one is actually near my parents.  It’s a little bit out of my way, but she runs her dayhome like a preschool, to a degree.  I really like that because the girls won’t be able to go to preschool if they are in dayhome.  I do like the idea of a somewhat structured learning environment, since they will be 3 years old soon.
***
I have my first physio appointment tomorrow morning!  I am curious to see what Heidi says about the state of this body of mine, but I am happy to be getting some direction.  Hopefully, we can get the problems in my right leg sorted out so that I don’t feel like my knee is going to slide out sideways when I’m dancing ;)
J’Adore Dance gave me a gift certificate for Eye Candy aesthetics, so I am going to treat myself over the holidays!  My mom and I are also booking a spa day at Focus On You, using gift certificates we have had for too long!
All in all, sick or not, it is shaping up to be a good holiday season!!

A bit of goodness

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Last night, I dreamt that I was leaving for Vegas tomorrow afternoon!  Given the -32 degree windchill this morning, I was rather disappointed to wake up and return to reality.  Thus, in true Pollyanna style, I am going to sit and ponder all the goodness on this Monday morning to soothe my vacation-less soul :)

  • C-boo has taken it upon herself to be the Sweeper of Ashes around our wood stove this morning!  Granted, she is really just walking through all the ash and tracking it everywhere, but any time my kids show an inclination towards cleaning my house, I am ALL over it!
  • Finding out that my buddy Erik has a blog and has been holding out on us for 2 months!  I spent this morning reading his awesome posts :)
  • Hot coffee in our NEW, FREE coffee maker!  That’s right!  No more elastic-band coffee pot for us :)  I cashed in my AirMiles for a stainless steel Cuisinart 14-cup model!  Oh sweet sweetness!
Before:

After:
  • Pretty, fluffy snow outside, and a cozy garage to park Constance in!
  • Playing at Mimi’s 2nd birthday party on Sunday, courtesy of Sportball birthday parties!!  So much fun for kids AND parents :)
  • Cupcakes.  That is all
  • Oh, this glorious furnace.  Sweet, beautiful, glorious furnace.  
  • Kit-kat has learned to undulate her abs.  Hilarious!
  • Cuddling with my bugz in the morning.  
  • A less-than-chaotic trip to Costco on a Sunday afternoon.  We were visiting my in-laws in the east end of the city, so we decided to shop at the Sherwood Park Costco.  Blissful!  Peaceful!
  • My friend Dawn asked if we could help her with some print media her company is assembling for young readers, so I dug through my stacks of photographs looking for pictures of my girls reading.  I have so very few!  I found a few and took another to help out:
  • Oh, the sweet thrill of seeing Part One of the last Harry Potter movie on Thursday night!  I purchased my tickets 2 weeks in advance and went with Krista and Erin.  It did not disappoint – this film was definitely made for the fans!
  • Burlesque opens this weekend, which means a date night with friends!  Yaaaa!
So, despite the lack of Vegas in my near future, life is pretty good right now!

For Today…

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Outside my window … snow, snow and more snow and -25 degrees with the windchill.  Ugh.  Does someone want to bring their quad over and snowplough our driveway? _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

I am thankful for … slippers, hot coffee, a warm furnace, cuddly bugz and 2 wood stoves!
I am also thankful for … my new job, my blooming company and some courageous goals for the next 12 months relating to the two!
I am thinking … about all that was supposed to be done today that won’t get done :(  But I am ALSO thinking about going to see part one of the last Harry Potter movie at midnight tonight!  Eeep!!!  Hopefully the roads will be a lot clearer and quieter at that time ;)
I am creating … personal and business goals and objectives to achieve in the next year.  Yawn – that sounds boring when I write it, but trust me!  When I reveal each of my projects, you will be amazed at what I am doing!!!!!!  Eeep (again!).
I am celebrating … all those things I’ve just written.  I’m also just celebrating life in general right now :)  And I am celebrating a good prognosis for my mother-in-law!
From the kitchen … dishes.  Dishes and dishes and more dishes.  I love when Leith makes dinner, but he lacks follow-through ;)  Soon, however, our kitchen will be filled with holiday baking!  I stole a bunch of my mom’s recipes last week and I am going to make a shopping list today or tomorrow.  Yum!
I am wearing … slippers, sweats and a thermal shirt.  It’s chilly by our gigantic, uninsulated patio doors in the kitchen – our wood stove has to fight against this cold.
I am reading … Club Dead, the third Sookie Stackhouse (True Blood) book.  They are soooooo trashy and bad, but they’re also addictive!  I’m ashamed that I enjoy them so much…  I wasn’t hooked until the last third of the second book, and then I was all in.  Shameful, really…
I am hoping … that the roads are clear by the time Leith gets home tonight!  My plans for the day were kiboshed by his insistence that I cannot drive without my winter tires.  Rotten man.  So here I am, stranded by his love.  Either way, I’m taking his truck to Edmonton tonight to see Harry Potter, since it’s big and heavy, and it has 4-wheel drive!
I am hearing … the whir of the furnace fan and Toy Story playing in the background.  Leith bought it for the girls, and I was so excited to see it again.  Unfortunately, I don’t really like it as an adult!  I’m too girly, I guess ;)
I am going … to enjoy a hot, hot shower this morning!  Brrr!  I was freezing cold until about 4am this morning, and staring out the window does nothing to maintain my body temperature!
Around the house and yard … snow to shovel.  Boo.  Maybe that can be my exercise today.  I’ll bundle the girls up in their snowsuits while I plough out our ridiculously long driveway by hand.  Fun, fun, fun…
One of my favourite things … watching my bugz cuddle their baby dolls in their new mini-ring slings from Cosy Baby, Happy Mommy!  My friend Erin made them for the girls, and they LOVE them.  It’s so cute to see them babywearing :)
A few plans for the rest of the week … teaching in Sherwood Park tonight (maybe!), Harry Potter with Jess and Krista tonight (!!), hopefully visiting Julia and getting some work done tomorrow, Mimi’s second birthday on Saturday and an adult games night afterward, and relaxing on Sunday!
A picture thought I am sharing with you today:

My babywearing bugz, giving their dolls some love :)

For Today…

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Outside my window … clear blue skies with a hint of pink peeking through the trees, and frost of the ground. _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

I am thankful for … patient medical care yesterday, and an overwhelming positive response to our HAWT Mama/J’Adore Dance partnership!  For Sherrie taking my bugz all day while I was at the ER with breathing trouble, and for backrubs from Leith after a long day of laboured breathing.  For sweet bugz, who were so tired that they slept from 5:30 last night until 7am this morning!!
I am also thankful for … those who sacrifice so much for our freedoms, both past and present, overseas and in our own backyards.
I am thinking … about how much fun it was to build up anticipation this past week, and how much fun it will be to continue to collaborate with my best friend and an incredible team of women as we move forward in this partnership :)
I am creating … holiday gift to-do lists.  Homemade gifts require a lot of planning and shopping ahead of time!
I am celebrating … SO MUCH!  This newly launched partnership is so fantastic.  I’ve been celebrating it every day, and now that we’ve made the announcement, we need to have an official celebration :)
From the kitchen … barely anything!  Grocery shopping on Friday will be epic … I haven’t been in a loooooong time, and it’s getting bare.  Leith did make a combination soup the other night that was fabulous though: minestrone soup with (added) black beans, shredded chicken, sauteed onions and melted swiss cheese on top.  YUM!
I am wearing … jammies while I wait for the bugz to finish breakfast so we can get ready for dance class!!
I am reading … Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.  Again, lol.
I am hoping … to feel better.  They couldn’t find anything “wrong” with me at the ER yesterday, but I’ve been having trouble breathing.  I feel a lot better than I did yesterday, but it’s still not 100%.  And it’s frustrating, so I hope I’m back to normal soon!!’
I am also hoping … that C-boo (poops) soon!  We’ve taken her to the doctor again, and she’s taking 10g of laxative powder, 2tsp of mineral oil jelly, prune juice and a high-fibre diet every day, and still nothing.  What on earth??  
I am hearing … a bit of whining (grrr!) and the news report on the radio.  Oooh, and the furnace :)
I am going … to take my bugz to Intellidance Tots today and *maybe* a couple dance classes tonight.  I really want to go to Bikram on Wednesday too, but I’m supposed to be “relaxing”.  Sigh…
Around the house and yard … our humidifier is finally installed, so it’s not so dry in here!  The yard is ready for snow and so am I – my new garage door opener is also installed, which means I can use my car starter this winter :)  Last year, I had to go outside and manually open the garage door, so using the starter seemed a little bit pointless…
One of my favourite things … hot cocoa on a frosty morning!  I’m off the caffeine for awhile (*sob*), but this was a tasty, warm treat to start my day :)  Oh, and naked running bugz.  LOL!!  They insist on taking their pyjamas off after breakfast and run around like naked monkeys.  It’s hilarious!!!
A few plans for the rest of the week … visiting Julia at some point, relaxing (sigh…), hopefully a few classes and a Saturday martini-and-caesar party to celebrate!
A quote for today:
It is far sweeter to savour the JOURNEY than to rush towards the RESULT

For Today

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Outside my window … the deep dark of a winter night, snow half-melted on the ground, lots of mud and well…the start of a long season_uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

I am thankful for … the warmth of the fire behind my back!!

I am thinking … about what to do tomorrow with my girls, as well as what needs to be done tomorrow!

I am creating … this blog post, before I head to bed ;)  I am also creating a new 101 in 1001 list to start on January 1st – I’m about 2/3 of the way through, building from the mistakes I made when I created my last list!!  Exciting :)

I am celebrating … a bank account that allowed me to buy almost all organic and clean groceries tonight :)  It’s been awhile since I’ve shopped with a bit of abandon, and it felt nice to fill my cupboards with good food

From the kitchen … full cupboards after grocery shopping tonight, and prawns sauteed in an obscene amount of garlic and butter – a dish Leith and I used to eat far too much of when we were young and childless and didn’t realize that $10 was a ridiculous amount to pay for a bag of frozen, raw shrimp!
I am wearing … sweats, a sleeveless sweatshirt/vest/hoodie thingy and a lululemon top
I am reading … the second Sookie Stackhouse book.  I need a mindless read, but this series just isn’t doing it for me.

I am hoping … that Sherrie’s PVR tapes Glee tonight!!  A new guilty pleasure for me, and they are doing Rocky Horror Picture Show for Halloween – I watched it when I was only 11 and was obsessed with the soundtrack.  I still can’t believe my dad let me watch it!!

I am hearing … the whir of the ceiling fan, the crackle of the wood stove, and the faint snores from the bedrooms down the hall.

I am going … to be the guest speaker for the South West Mommy Connections group on Thursday!!  I am so honoured that they asked me to come and speak about postnatal fitness – yay for H.A.W.T. Momma, and thanks to Carol for thinking of me :)

Around the house and yard … mud and snow!  I ordered a new garage door opener to be picked up on Saturday so that I can park Constance in our newly insulated garage for the winter (thanks to Leith!).  I also need to get into my garden a shake out the plants that died but weren’t pulled up, due mostly to my laziness after the frost ;)  Ah well, learn for next year!

One of my favourite things … naps with my bugz in the afternoon.  I am still lucky – a few days a week, I am caught up enough to lay down with the girls for their nap.  I absolutely love their little warm bodies curled up against mine, fast asleep.  It completes my entire life.

A few plans for the rest of the week … picking up Kelli’s maternity prints, getting on top of cleaning my kitchen, taking some dance classes, teaching some dance classes, a private prenatal training session and celebrating our 3rd Halloween with my bugz!!

A quote for today:

Happiness is a state of mind.

How very true!!  Have a wonderful week, my friends :)

Thanks

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  • the bugz, their sweet and sticky kisses, their words, their blonde curls, their crazy smiles and their warm cuddles
  • that loving husband, even though he broke my coffee maker. 
  • checking my bank account and seeing that I just might have enough pennies for a new coffee maker ;)
  • family here and there
  • health and happiness
  • these four walls and the roof above, and the warmth inside, the clothes on our bodies and on our floors (I guess I am thankful for laundry?), and the shoes on our feet
  • the way “everything works out eventually”
  • open-mindedness and love of all 
  • old friends, new friends, repaired friends and best friends :)
  • radio and the internetz
  • good food and a clean refrigerator (a sudden compulsion the other night when I should have been making dinner!)
  • blogs to read, to connect with across the miles, to open the heart and mind, to laugh with, to cry with, to love with
  • freedom of expression
  • that awesome minivan, driving me to those awesome dance classes, impacting those awesome lives
  • turkey at my parents’ house
  • movement.  Breath.  Life in pictures and sweat
  • the beauty and stillness outside my windows every single day
  • babywearing, or toddler-wearing now, and the extra cuddles and calmness it provides
  • awesome networks, new relationships and budding opportunities!
  • watching their creativity bloom as they play with each other :)
  • little hands that play with my hair
  • movie nights and popcorn, Disney princesses and stories to tell
  • Life :)

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(Im)perfect

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There has been a stunning blog post circulating lately about the problem with perfection.  As a self-proclaimed “perfectionist”, I fell in love with it – not only because it is hard to try to be perfect all the time, but because the guilt that embraces me when I fall short is debilitating sometimes.  And when I say debilitating, I mean debilitating – hours of sleep lost, nausea, panic, anxiety over the stupidest things like forgetting to reply to an email or putting off a relatively simple task.

In honour of casting off the shackles of perfection, I present you with my confessions: _uacct = “UA-4888259-1″;urchinTracker();

  • We don’t have cable TV (or even country cable), but my kids watch too many movies.  I monitor what they watch, but they’ve still watched the Little Mermaid three times today
  • There are days on end that I don’t eat a single fruit or vegetable, unless grains count
  • I am 15-20lbs overweight right now, and I should be on my own azz about it, but I can be so slovenly and lazy
  • I nap too often, and I spend too much time on the computer
  • I spank my kids
  • I yell in front of them, and at them
  • I lose my temper too much and swear WAY too much
  • I tend to criticize people who are too much like me for me to comfortably admit
  • I wish I was more focused and sometimes worry that I’m a little bit ADD
  • I pretend to be far more perfect that I really am
  • I give up too easily and avoid conflict too often
  • I am selfish and sometimes forget to ask Leith what he needs and wants
  • I forget to brush my kids’ teeth all the time.  Days go by…
  • I put their hair in ponytails because I’m too lazy to comb through the curly knots
  • I have a really hard time admitting I am wrong, especially when I am embarrassed
  • I’ll spend money on books that I could get from the library for free because I am a book snob and I like being the first to read something, even when we are so flat broke that my husband can’t go for a haircut
  • On that note, I forget to budget for his sometimes-expenses like haircuts but not my own
  • I let my ego identify with too many things when I should just “be”
  • I am proud and stubborn to a fault, and it causes more problems than it’s worth
  • Lately, I’ve been forgetting a lot about what I learned in therapy for controlling my temper and my reactions.  I know better :(
  • I stand up for things I believe in on my blog, but in real life I keep my opinions to myself because I can’t stand conflict
  • I spend far too much time online and not nearly enough outdoors
  • I drink too much wine when it’s available, and that bugs me because I won’t drink it if it’s not in the house, so why do I feel the need to drink it all when it is??
  • The same goes for treats and junk food
  • I say I hate everything that McDonald’s and Wal-Mart stand for, yet I still spend money there.  I hate being a hypocrite and my actions say otherwise
  • I say “no more kids” but the truth is that I’m just terrified of something worse happening to me if I got pregnant again.  At the same time, I know that it’s just my anxiety and that everything would probably be fine
  • “I wish” and “I do” fall very far apart in many areas of my life.  I need to make my actions reflect my words
  • I know a lot about health and nutrition, and yet my own diet and lifestyle say otherwise
  • I am so lazy about feeding my kids!  Yes, it’s all organic and unprocessed, but it can be very unbalanced too
  • It IS hard some days.  Other days, I exaggerate how hard it is
  • Yes, I’ve peed in a swimming pool
  • My minivan is a pit of garbage hell that I have tried to keep clean for a few months, but it’s threatening to creep up on me
  • I always have dirty dishes in the sink and crumbs on the floor.  I rarely vacuum my basement
  • I’m a picker.  I pick at everything.
But do you know what?  Despite all of that, I think that I am still perfect.  I think we are all perfect.  We are all perfect reflections of who we are – it’s just the image we project out into the world that is imperfect.  If I did everything right all the time, it would leave little opportunity for improvement – and without that feeling of accomplishment, life would be pretty bland.