My eyes scanned the playground, crystal clear, but it still felt like nothing was in focus.

She can’t be lost. She’s here. She’s somewhere. LOOK HARDER!

I circled the playground, teeming with dozens of preschool kids. All of them looked the same. WHY WERE THEY ALL BLONDE?? Every kid had coloured streaks in their hair from Beaners, every kid was wearing shorts.

I will not panic. I will not be THAT mom. There’s no way she is lost. Oh shit, she doesn’t have her backpack on! Her backpack has my phone number.

I burst into the bathroom, calling her name. No answer. I met the eyes of another mom. She saw the fear. “Oh fuck” was all she said to me. Amen, sister.

Stay calm. What are you going to do? Do you ask people? But what if they just saw her sister? Same kid. How will you know? Should you call the police? WHAT DO YOU DO??? There’s a road, this is the end of the park, she could have gone anywhere, be anywhere. 

WHERE IS SHE???

And then, a volunteer in a yellow shirt saw the frantic look in my eyes, panic bubbling under the surface as I clung to my last shreds of public dignity. “Are you missing a little girl?”

“Katie??”

“We have her.”

The rest? A blur. Walking, walking, walking so far to the information tent. Crackles on the two-way radio, confirming that mom was found. Little blonde braided pigtails flying through the air, wrapping arms and legs around me, burying noses in each others necks.

“Oh Mommy, I lost you! I was so worried! I couldn’t see you!”

Shhh, baby. It’s okay. You’re safe.

That brief second where her curiosity tore her from the swing set towards the back of a food tent. Playing with a water hose, distracted. Then, lost.

Gone.

No more mommy, just strangers. All alone.

Thank God the volunteers found my sweet baby, and that she was brave enough to tell them her name.

Thank God she is safe.

But there are rocks, and glass, and occasionally there’s dog poop. Gross.

So tonight, in the seclusion of my cool basement, I took the plunge.

I went running naked.

You see, this is what I usually wear when I run:

I love my Vibrams, as evidenced by how lovingly well-worn they are  I’ve been running in them for a year now, and they have single-handedly (footedly?) changed the way I run. I feel like I’m flying when I wear them. I’ve tried “regular” minimalist shoes, but my gait changes immediately and I don’t like the results.

I love my Vibrams.

But for the past few days, I’ve been engrossed in Chris McDougall’s Born To Run. If you are a runner, you should read it. If you want to be a runner, you should read it. If you’re an injured runner, you should read it. If you hate running and don’t “get it”, you should read it.

So, needless to say, I’ve been reading it. And while McDougall is preaching to the choir, I was intrigued and inspired to try something: running naked. So tonight, I threw off the (minimalist) shackles of my Vibrams, climbed atop my beautiful treadmill shoeless, and ran like this:

Barefoot.

Nary a shoe, let alone a sock.

And it was GLORIOUS!

It was soft and connected. My body felt amazingly light, even compared to my Vibrams. Nothing ached or hurt. A couple of muscles across my ankles woke up, but they didn’t hurt.

And when I went to stretch post-run? Nothing was tight. Not my quads, not my hamstrings, not my calves. Not my regularly-tight IT-bands or gluts. 

Nothing.

So from this day forward, there is a rule in this house: no shoes on the treadmill. Maybe, one day, I’ll even venture out onto the road.

Naked. Free.

Herman is my scoby! Much like Irish friendship bread, Herman came to me as an offshoot of my friend Erin’s scoby She popped him in a jar and passed him along to me.

What’s a scoby? It’s a live culture. It looks like a glob. It grosses people out.

But Herman’s purpose in life isn’t to gross people out. His purpose is to turn already-tasty tea into magical kombucha tea! Magical because it brings the body back into balance…although the effervescence does feel magical when you drink it

You can read about the reported benefits of kombucha here.

Basically, I will take Herman, and add him to the amazing sweet tea from Tea Desire and distilled water:

Sweet tea, cooling so as not to scald (KILL!) Herman

He will do that voodoo that he does, and in a week I will have kombucha! I’ve been looking for a tastier recovery drink, and Herman is my gateway.

Yes, the whole thing is a little hippie for most people. I don’t mind though – I’ve been missing the hands-on experience in the kitchen during our celiac transition, so this is a nice way for me to get back to the earth and also help with my detox.

Bottoms up!

But while I’m not blogging them, or journalling them, I am counting my gifts every single day. It’s overwhelming at times, getting to stop and feel completely overwhelmed at the fullness of life.

So while this isn’t from a counted list, I am still adding and counting today because that is what truly matters.

274. Acupuncture for ridiculous headaches

275. Starting NAET treatments next week with a consultation

276. Passionfruit tea

277. Super-soft bubble hoodies – a luxurious treat for my little girls

278. Snuggling fresh new babies

279. Safe arrivals

280. Sunshine after days of rain

281. The power back on after a 2-hour outage this morning!

282. Remembering the flurry of excitement 5 years ago as we prepared to become husband and wife

283. Constant, overwhelming support for my renewed dream

284. Catching up with old friends at Zumba

285. Dancing, moving, shaking, grooving

286. Running, never stopping

287. Greek yogurt and homemade granola

288. Learning about scobies and kefir, and buying gallon pickle jars

289. Quiet time to myself

290. Catching up on blogs

291. Cucumber and carrots with dip

292. Little “I love you’s” whispered in hugs

293. Their creativity

294. Watching them dance and spin and twirl

295. Playing outside for hours in the fresh air

296. Fresh sheets

297. Picking dandelions to make our own wine

298. Opening the windows to let the spring breeze in

299. Little green shoots finally poking up through the dirt

300. Spontaneous hugs

Exercise is easy: run 5k three times a week, go for a long run on the weekends, and fill the extra days with other fun like Zumba! And yes, it’s time to restart the 30-Day Shred…not because I like it, but because I am mad about getting sidetracked!!

Food is trickier. This is what will take…willpower. You see, I am supposed to be gluten-free. But I’ve been cheating. Little cheats here and there: granola, a beer… So starting now, I am sticking to my kds’ GF diet. The only catch is my special dinner this Friday, but I’ll do my best!

Side note: I’d love to cut out added sugar as well, but between the anniversary and my birthday…well, I know I’d be setting myself up for failure! So that one will just have to wait and be limited for now.

Caffeine and alcohol will be easier than food. I can cut out coffee with no problems (surprisingly), and I’m sick of our homemade wine I’m back on a tea kick, and I’m letting myself have 3 alcoholic drinks a week.

After all…I do have twins!

And then, there’s the actual detox. With so many to choose from, and so many people with different experiences, it was overwhelming! I needed something healthy though: no fasting, no low-calorie food guide, no interfering with my endurance training!! I’ve narrowed it down to two. One has no food restrictions; the other has food restrictions in terms of what you may eat, but not how much. The good thing is that is it very GF/paleo. Most of the no’s are junk, processed, flours, dairy, and citrus.

My goal is 4 weeks. That will get me to my 31st birthday, and hopefully help me ring in my new year feeling much healthier! I’d love to leave these aching joints and swollen belly in the past where they belong!!

In the spirit of accountability, today I ran 5k and did The Shred but I ate a wheat hotdog bun and had a Corona. Baby steps

My body is feeling icky and blah and worn out after a few too many weeks of not eating well, running barely enough to stay on track for my half marathon, and drinking too much homemade wine.

I feel exhausted!

Not the kind of alarming exhaustion that I was feeling this winter – just the kind of exhaustion that tells you to smarten up, drink more water and eat more fruits and veggies

It happened so suddenly: there I was in early May, running lots, eating great, doing the 30-Day Shred every day. Then I went on a wicked-evil 17k run through the hills of Cochrane, folded myself into my car, and drove 3 hours home.

I could barely move that night. I loosened up the next day, but things were still SO tight in all the wrong places. Plus, I had the incredible distraction of reopening a dance studio to keep me occupied!!

And Leith was out of town…and my kids were being demons.

And I couldn’t get to physio for over a week.

And really? I wasn’t trying very hard to be healthy. Shame on me

And here I am now, feeling swollen, tired, sore, and inflamed. Lethargic. Bland. I need get my body and mind feeling energetic again! I need to start moving and stop waiting. I need to stop eating crap, and stop cheating on our gluten-free diet. I need to fill my water bottle and go!!

I spent yesterday and today preparing the May gluten-free/dairy-free menu from Once A Month Mom. Our freezer is stocked with good, whole food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. There’s no junk in our house. I’m looking at a few detox cleanses to do as well. It’s back on the treadmill-and-Shred routine for me.

I need to stay gluten- and (mostly) dairy-free. I need to cut out sugar too. Sugar has been a big jerk to me lately. We’ve been tangled in an abusive love-web.

I hate falling off track like that. Two weeks fly by quickly, but the problems compound so rapidly! I thought it had been a lot longer, judging by how I feel, so I was surprised to see that it had been so little time. Life is calm now, and will be calmer until mid-August when dance starts.

Back on the wagon I go: I’m allowing myself a reasonable cheat on Friday for our anniversary dinner, but that’s it. A week of healthy eating and exercise, and then I’ll start the cleanse I choose. No more splitting a bottle of wine with Leith… I’m finally coming down from my Mirena side-effects, and I want to enjoy them fully!!

While I’m starting up again, I’d love to know who has tried different cleanses (not starvation-style ones!) and what you thought of them!

I’m terrified to take my bugz out of the house though. I don’t entirely trust their behaviour – C-boo has already been up in my face twice today. Sigh… I’ll tell you this though: ever since I had my Mirena yanked, my temper is much more level! I feel exasperated, but I’m not yelling. Yay!! I’ve found the best way to deal with my kids right now is to just lower my expectations and start from scratch.

So here we are, with the sunshine streaming through the windows and the crayons spread out on the floor. My work is caught up on, and the laundry is calling. I’m going to take this beautiful day one minute at a time. Maybe, if my kids can be normal for a little bit, I may even venture out to get groceries later on…or not.

There’s always tomorrow.

I’ve spent the better part of 4-and-a-half years being blessed with twins, not curse. I think it’s awesome in so many ways.

But today? Today, I am a little bit sick of it.

I’m sick of it in the way I imagine any parent with children close in age would be. I’m tired of being constantly tag-teamed by this biological loyalty the two of them share. I’m tired of not having anyone older to point to and say, “Why can’t you follow _____’s example?“

Here’s the thing: being sent to you room with your best friend isn’t punishment. It’s AWESOME. And being put to bed with your best friend? Also awesome.

And when Mommy says NO, you can make waaaaaay more noise with your best friend than you ever could on your own.

And when Mommy gives you separate chores to help with, she can only really check on one of you at a time. So if it’s not your turn to be checked on, you’re home free!

And if she separates you, you can scream really loudly for your dear, sweet sister and you know that it will make her heart bleed.

Oh, and you can both totally play on Daddy’s guilt about being away. And you can totally pretend like you’re both angels when he IS home, so that he doesn’t really know what you act like every day. Basically, you can totally lie to him!!

So here I am, with my twins physically separated after a very long, disobedient, disrespectful, trying week. I am at the end of my rope. We’ve talked. I’ve avoided a LOT of yelling…much more than I would normally dole out. We made house rules together, which were promptly broken five minutes after we all agreed to them. As I was reminding them of the rules. In real time.

So I’m done.

I’m torn between a glass of wine, and locking my kids in a room while I go outside to garden. Neither is possible: the only bedroom door we have doesn’t lock, and I’m out of wine.

So in the meantime, you can all enjoy that I am having one of my rare twin-pity parties. They’re few and far between, but when they do sneak up, I go all out.

Yay.

Yes, that’s my now-one-of-a-kind Kate Spade iPad cover. Original design by Kit-kat and C-boo….

Hello dance registrations, filling up quicker than I could imagine

Hello beautiful children playing nicely

Hello sunshine (and goodbye wind…hint hint, Mother Nature…)

Hello husband coming home tomorrow

Hello flowers to plant

Hello functional website, thanks to Karen

Hello music downloading

Hello new iPhone

Hello sleepy puppy

Hello vacuumed floors

Hello laundry pile (hello sarcastic font…)

Hello Mothers’ Day plans

Hello weekend!

**thanks, Crystal, for this inspiration!!