Tag Archives: dreams

Most happy

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I’ve hardly blogged at all since the start of September. Granted, I’ve been busy ;)

I just wrapped up Week 2 of the new dance season. After 7 years off, it is amazing to be running Expressions Dance Studio again. My heart is happy and full. It’s been busy and crazy, taking in last-minute students and ordering dance wear for 105+ students. I’ve been tired and sore, but my heart is full.

So. Full.

I’ve found a groove. It’s not as hard as it was in my early 20s. I feel inspired, even in things as simple as teaching jazz walks. I’m as comfortable in my students’ classes as I am in my kitchen wearing slippers and dancing to the radio.

After two weeks, the chaos has slowed down. I’m going to spend a weekend relaxing and decompressing. I’m going to go to physio and for a pedicure. And on Tuesday, I’ll rock it again for three nights.

Baby, I’m home again.

{breathe}

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At 7:30am, we sat down in the dark basement to catch up on last night’s So You Think You Can Dance.

I’ve never watched it with my daughters before. Normally, it is my summer oasis, my 2-hour escape from reality. But this morning, it was calling, and I thought, Why not? It was a show of nothing but Mia Michaels‘ choreography. I knew it would be the perfect start to my day.

From the opening piece, the questions bubbled out of Kit-kit: Why are they hanging? What’s that for? When I grow up, can I dance like that?? But without the kissing? Ew, mom. But oh, Mommy, did you SEE that??

She was fascinated, but boiling over with excitement in true Kit-kat fashion: When I grow up, and I can dance like that girl, and I can shake my butt, and that boy can SPANK my butt? Wow!!

Oh…dear! Yes, sweetheart, you…can. When you’re older…

C-boo, on the other hand, sat raptly through the first two pieces. She gasped when the doors slammed, eyes wide, taking in the movement. Then, without warning, she turned to me and whispered, Mommy, they are brilliant…can I do that too?

My heart.

Be still, my heart.

I promised I would never push them toward my own dreams, but let them glide towards their own. These sweet bodies, always exploring movement, unguided and unforgiving.

Can I do that too?

Yes, my sweet. But you need to practice and always dance.

Then, the emotion. Mommy, why are you crying? Because, sweet child, dance is about feelings, and sometimes the feelings are too big for your brain or your heart. You need to show the world your feelings with your body, so you dance.

Oh. Mommy, can I show my feelings when I’m big.

You can show them right now.

And up, up she got. And she studied the screen, and she moved and contracted and exploded and jumped, and swirled and spun and lived on the carpet in front of me. Unaware of anything but the dancer(s) on screen and the movement calling her. Raw talent, flowing.

Unafraid.

And Kit-kat spun too, whipping her blanket into a frenzy along to Janelle’s scarf. Mommy, this is the most beautiful thing ever!!

Both of them, unconfined by expectation, just wanting to dance.

The whole time, my breath caught in my throat. Afraid to exhale and blow it all away. Scared that something will break them and they will lose this wild abandon in their movement. That something or someone will cage them like I was caged, and that when they break free, it will be too late.

God, please. Let them keep breathing this moment all their lives.

Just, please. Let them always breathe the movement.

Just. Breathe.

***

This post is a part of the Summer Blog Challenge! Join the rest of us :)

Natural Urban Mama
This Mom’s Got Something To Say
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2 Plus 2×2

Prep time

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It’s crazy how fast the summer is suddenly going! It’s August…13th?? How is that possible? That means that in 3 short weeks, classes will be starting at Expressions Dance Studio. Things are much more relaxed this year, since most of the registrations and payments are already in – thanks to Kristi’s fabulous spring registration system!! But I still have so much to do!

There are the sticker books and attendance sheets. There are the new barres to assemble and figure out! There’s lessons to plan and videos to watch! There are workshops to book…

I need to get ahold of the hall and see if they want any money for rent ;) I need to confirm with parents who haven’t paid yet.

I finally got the new logo design onto business cards and ordered them today… That was time-consuming and painful! But they’re done, and on their way:

 

There is music to download, and playlists to mix. There is a meeting to plan with Miss Krista… Did I mention the return of the fabulous Miss Krista?? Oh MY!! I am so excited that she is teaching for me again! We are such a great team. Which reminds me…I also need to get her headshot and bio up on the EDS website!

There is class wear to order, and photographers to book. At this stage, I still need to contact our photographer, since they aren’t replying to emails! I also need to find the website designs I liked and get them to my web girl so that my site looks less like a blog and more like, well, a dance studio website!!

I need to buckle down and get going. I am so glad that I don’t have registrations and schedules to deal with at the same time…the administrative work alone is going to drown me if I don’t get organized right away.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be drowning under a pile of checklists… Let the fun begin!!!

 

***

This post is a part of the Summer Blog Challenge! Join the rest of us:

Natural Urban Mama
This Mom’s Got Something To Say
The Dulock Diaries
2 Plus 2×2

The Creative Oasis

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What a tagline, hey? As soon as I saw it on the DanceTeacherWeb Facebook page, I was hooked. I pulled strings, booked babysitters, and paid for flights.

It was worth it all.

I don’t even know where to start with my recap of my 3-day dance teachers’ convention. My heart is full, my head is spinning, and my body is just starting to feel normal again! 3 days, starting with breakfast at 7:30am, only breaking for an hour at lunch, and wrapping up at 6pm. Stuffed full of inspiration, here are the highlights for me:

  1. The location! Nestled at the base of the mountains on the far east end of Las Vegas, the Red Rock Resort was breathtaking. I posted my photos here, but even they don’t do it justice. It was beyond luxurious – and our conference rate was only $109US a night! Crazy! I also booked a massage the afternoon I arrived, and it was top-notch. Beautiful spa, with every amenity you could ask for. I will definitely be back, and highly recommend it to anyone looking for an off-strip escape to Las Vegas (or anywhere!).

  2. The freebies! I can’t even start to remember everything we were given with our conference fee. There was a full expo/trade show during the conference, and it went far beyond the usual trade show swag. We also received a backpack, t-shirt, free breakfast daily, treats at lunch every day, a $50 gift card from Discount Dance Supply, free shoes from Capezio, free massages on Wednesday…not to mention the INSANE amount of prizes that were given away! And to top it all off, when we pre-registered for the 2013 conference, we received a full year of DanceTeacherWeb membership! Wow.

  3. Louis Kavouras! Oh my… I have such a deep love of real modern dance, and Louis’ classes took my breath away. I moved in a way I haven’t been able to since I took classes with Maria Chia. The chair of the UNLV dance program, his style and his personality spoke to my heart and my body, and I just can’t escape the organic feeling. I cannot wait to inspire my own students in their modern classes this fall!

  4. Simone dePaolo! Spunk and awesome. Hilarity. And pushing me out of my comfort zone into an Afro-Jazz class where I felt so grounded and connected to the earth like never before. I was FREEin her class. I adore her, and cannot wait to work with her again next year.

    Thanks to Kristi for the photo…which doesn’t do justice to my insane, sweaty, lions-mane hair I was sporting after Afro-jazz!!

  5. Cathy Roe! One of the few faculty names I knew going in, her classes on composition absolutely changed the way I look at choreography. Wow. Just so much wow. And her personality is beautiful. Charming, hilarious, open. Loved her.
  6. JV Goecke! I’ve never met a teacher who reminded me so much of myself. She said the things I only think. Totally fantastic. I would also LOVE to have her come out to Edmonton to hold one of her Jumpstart bootcamps for dancers!!!
  7. Jessica Rizzo! I recognized her right off the bat – she’d adjudicated in Edmonton a few years ago, and I love her enthusiasm. Her pre-teen modern class was EVERYTHING I hoped for! It’s my first time teaching modern in years, and it’s easy to forgot how simple you need to be, and yet how complex you can make a simple, beginner exercise phrase. So perfect. Her improvisation class was also incredible – it’s something I’ve always struggled with, and it was the perfect pathway to introducing my kids to improv!
  8. The company! I spent the week with Miss Kristi, and it was so much fun! It’s always scary to suddenly spend every day with someone you usually only see for a couple hours at a time, but we had a blast. It reminded me of how much fun I had with Krist-a  during our ADAPT teacher training years ago.
  9. The Mirage! We decided to spend Thursday night on the Strip at the Mirage. I’d only stayed at the MGM before this week, and the Mirage was the perfect choice. Weekdays are slow, so they upgraded us to a premium room on the 21st floor with an incredible view for no extra charge!

  10. Crazy Horse Cabaret at the MGM! We decided we wanted to see a burlesque show in Vegas. No one has wanted to go the last two times I’ve gone to Vegas, so I was so excited to go with Kristi!! And WOW! It was classic cabaret – tease, comedy, sexy, sultry, and campy. It was awesome. We were right up front…a little unsettling at first, but it turned out great! It’s a topless show, which I wasn’t expecting, but the fact that the bodies were so natural was very inspiring – not a single implant on stage! Bums jiggled and shoulders shimmied. The level of art was sky-high, and the choreography and music were incredible! A must-see show, and only $57US for the best seats in the house! Bijou bijou bijou!
    My (overpriced!) souvenir photo from Crazy Horse
  11. Tabu! When you’ve already spent $70 on 4 drinks (between the two of us – only 2 each!!), a free-drink wristband is a godsend ;) Even better was the group of 65-70 year old ladies in line for the MGM nightclub – no goofy 21-year old party for us! We closed down Tabu, dancing until our feet couldn’t stand, and actually being asked to leave when the lights came on. I haven’t danced like that in years. It was the most fun I’ve ever had at a Vegas nightclub…or any club!!
  12. Shopping! I never spend money on myself at the outlets, but I always get my bugz a full closet. I did finally buy myself two of the famous Vegas wrap dresses that I’ve wanted for years, and a pair of Merrel Pace Gloves for only $86!

It was a great week. I was actually a little sad to come home, even though I missed my family. My only regret is that I didn’t take more pictures!

I have to spend a few days decompressing and wrapping my head around all the dance-intenstive awesomeness. I wish classes started next week, not 3 weeks from now. Mind you, how is it only 3 weeks from now???? But most times, I’m ready to come home by Day 4. I was gone for 5 days, and I could have stayed a few more. It was incredible.

The creative oasis was just what this girl needed to recharge.

***

Hopefully this makes up for the week of slacker posts ;)  This post is a part of the Summer Blog Challenge! Join the rest of us:

Natural Urban Mama
This Mom’s Got Something To Say
The Dulock Diaries
2 Plus 2×2

Uk’an play along!!

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I love music. I love to dance, I love to move, and I love to groove. It’s been a huge part of my life, and I want that love to trickle down to my beautiful daughters.

I implemented a 3-activity rule from the time they were babies. I wasn’t going to force them into anything, but they had to have at least 3 skills: swimming, music, and dance. I don’t expect them to excel at any of these, but I really believe that every child needs these in their life in some way.

Swimming is easy. Now, dance is also easy, what with owning my own studio again ;) But music has had me stumped. I want them to have the opportunity to play an instrument, but which one?? I sold my piano in 2010, and to be honest, I don’t really miss it. I also don’t miss my “band instruments” – flute and alto saxophone. I didn’t play them after high school at all, even though my fingers still hold the muscle memory. Funny, isn’t it??

We also don’t have room for a piano. I was down to string instruments, but the cost of buying two instruments was frightening! Two violins?? Two guitars?? Oh my! And they would need to be kid-sized, which would mean buying new ones as they outgrew the baby sizes. Yikes.

Then we went to a barbecue, and my girls found a ukulele! I looked around and found some super cute kids’ ukuleles for only $30. They even fit the most important requirement: they had yellow for C-boo and pink for Kit-kat ;) We bought a kids’ ukulele book and now we’re set to JAM!

But the music doesn’t stop there! The day before, I took the plunge and bought my very own guitar! The time had come to return my dear Sku’s spare guitar to her, and the local music store had most of their guitars on sale for 40% off! I nervously walked into unfamiliar territory and walked out with a beautiful 25-year old Fender acoustic guitar. The sound was soothing, and the size was perfect.

Now you can find us jamming and plucking away on our living room floor while the morning sunlight shines though the windows, or singing together on a bed:

It’s pretty great :)

Get up

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I have to run 7 miles tonight.

I don’t want to. The higher my weekly mileage gets, the harder it gets to motivate myself to just go.

If I could leap out the front door and run, that would be one thing. But the obstacles I’m facing are enough to make me drag my eyeballs from their sockets with rusty spoons. Yes, I am talking about BOREDOM!!

You see, two active 4-year olds and a husband who is out of town mean that my mileage this week (and next week) will be primarily indoors. In my basement, which is not only humid but also dark. The humidity wreaks havoc on our fluorescent lights, and they won’t turn on. I am literally running in the dark, save for the glow of the television. That means I have to watch TV to see. That means I need something moderately entertaining to watch for the duration of my run.

BUT HAVE YOU WATCHED TELEVISION LATELY??

It’s like dumb procreated with dumber. I can barely stomach a thing. And unless it’s PVR’d, I have to endure commercials. So, other than an hour of True Blood and a PVR’d 2-hour (really, 1:30) episode of So You Think You Can Dance, I’m staring at a glowing box for at least 40 minutes, at least 3 times a week. I am literally counting down the miles by the second.

Kill. Me. Now.

It’s enough to drive me to drink. Or at least procrastinate, except that I can’t. I committed to this little thing called the BMO Okanagan Marathon in a few months. 10 weeks, really. And this weekend, I am scheduled to run EIGHTEEN FREAKING MILES. In a row. In one day.

That means I have to keep up with my shorter weekly runs, at the risk of dying of utter boredom. Life was so much easier when my training runs were 30 minutes long. Tonight, I’ll be running anywhere from 60-70 minutes. In the dark.

Someone help me pout it out! These first world problems really suck sometimes.

Intense

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First, there was the marathon training.

Now I’ve added a few exciting dates to my summer calendar:

Yes, that’s right: I am finally doing something I’ve wanted to do for YEARS. I am going to Vegas this August for a 3-day dance teacher intensive!! Tickets are booked, babysitters are confirmed, and I am STOKED! They released the schedule this morning, and my excitement shot through. the. roof. 3 days of classes for teachers – not just taking the usual student classes as a teacher at the regular dance conventions. Just for teachers!

I can barely believe I’m going… I haven’t had a reason to for the last 7 years, and I was too broke and self-conscious before that. In other words…too young ;)

Now though? I have an expense account for professional development, a husband who supports me, a crazy desire to better myself, and confidence to go all by myself to Vegas.

Crazy! I may be going to Vegas all by myself!! One of my friends may meet me there (and I may try and wrangle another one to come…!), but I could very well be there by myself and I am TOTALLY okay with that. How’s that for growth??

But oh, my goodness! I am so excited! 3 days of insane workshops, followed by a lovely day of spa goodness at the beautiful resort where the conference is being held. This is something I never thought I’d do. It’s incredible!

And if that wasn’t enough, I have even more lined up for the rest of 2012:

Do you know HOW LONG it’s been since I’ve been able to do this kind of thing? YEARS. Literally. It’s been 7 years since I was a student in the ESB Teachers’ program, and 10 years since I’ve been able to afford workshops. I’ve only had to teach and choreograph an average of 2 dances a year since 2006. This year, I have between 13-18 pieces to choreograph, and possibly solos and duets…although I’m seriously considering contracting those out! The good news is that I am feeling more inspired that ever, but I want (and need!) to be on my game!

So bring it, Vegas! Take me back to my happy place. Let my feet fly and my body move.

It feels so good to be alive again :)

Soul {filled}

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As you already know, I spent the past weekend in Cochrane with one of my dearest friends. One of those friends who, despite the miles and the years and the changes, can speak to my soul and make me feel at home no matter where we are in the world or what life is throwing at us.

That friend is my Sku.

We’ve been friends since we were 13 years old, lived together, worked together, created nicknames and secret languages together. We share so much in common, yet we’ve never really fought. She’s my kindred, my common ground, even with our differences. And this past weekend, I was so blessed to have her shine more light into my life.

I decided to stay with my Sku because she lives close enough to the race course that it was a perfect excuse for extra visiting! The almost-4 hour travel time means grabbing these opportunities when I can!! But the weekend was so much more than just sleeping and running.

She taught me to jam :)

I’ve been musical for most of my life. I can play the piano, the saxophone, and the flute…although it’s been years for most of them. I’m sure I’d pass out if I tried to get through any song on the sax or flute…or my jaw would seize up! One of the things I admire most about my Sku is her voracious passion for music. She has learned almost everything under the sun: piano, percussion, drums (all kinds! not just drum kits!), violin, guitar, banjo…! She has written more songs than I can name, and has even placed in the Calgary Folk Music Festival songwriters’ competitions! She records her music, and she teaches as well. When she moved to her new home, I was in awe of her entire room dedicated to music.

It’s one of my biggest regrets: not continuing to practice music as an adult. The problem lies in my instruments of choice. While the piano is beautiful, it just isn’t functional for me. It takes up space and it isn’t portable. You just can’t take a piano camping! And each new piece of music takes time and effort to learn. The saxophone and flute? Well…they’re lovely in a group, but I have very little opportunity to meet with a jazz band to keep my skills from rusting. So, for awhile, I’ve wondered if I could ever learn to play the guitar.

Enter Sku.

After my race on Saturday, we went out to the gorgeous sprawling ranch home of one of her banjo classmates. I expected a dozen or so people, and some low-key plucking away at songs. Instead, I was met with over 60 people (easily), half of whom played some sort of instrument. There were a dozen fiddlers, at least 6 guitars, mandolins, ukeleles, autoharps, upright basses, and of course, banjos.

There was also this incredible 9-year old kid with spoons.

But what was more amazing than seeing  all of these musicians was hearing them. Sitting in a room no bigger than our kitchen/dining room, one person would call out a song, and everyone would pick up and play. Some would also sing. The energy of the live music surrounded me as the notes flowed through the air. I felt light-headed at times, listening to songs from the 1890′s all the way through to songs from my childhood. At one point, I had to fight back tears from the beauty of the music.

I felt alive.

So I summoned up my courage and asked my Sku to teach me. And she did! Sitting in her living room the next morning, she patiently walked me through my first guitar lesson. Within the half hour, my fingers and wrists were aching as she coached me through a disjointed, slow “Going to the Zoo”! The whole song! It was incredible!!

Even more incredible was when she offered to lend me one of her guitars so that I could keep practicing at home. And I have been! Each day, I take her guitar out of the case, tune it slowly, and begin to pluck away… G, G, D, G…strum, strum, strum. Pause, change, strum, pause, change, strum. Slowly learning to master a new art.

Something so simple, but made so much more beautiful at the hands of a beloved friend. These moments that might be so meaningless are made special because of that bond and that history. The lack of judgment is so refreshing in a world of drama. My soul is so full after this weekend.

I am so blessed to have a Sku in my life.

de Nam

How MagzD got her Groove {It} back

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Since I could move, I’ve been dancing:

Tiny dancer

But in 2005, I quit ballet.

I left the Teachers’ Training program at the Edmonton School of Ballet, defeated and jaded. I knew that I would never take my Associate exam, because I felt that I would never be able to pass my Intermediate exam without major orthopaedic surgery or a small miracle from God. I was almost 24 years old; I had only been seriously studying ballet for 5 years.

The same year, I closed Expressions Dance Studio: my baby, my dream, my everything. Small town dance training was just too much for a girl in her early 20′s with zero business sense, in a time before social media and online marketing. I was out of my league, and I left my dream baby in the streets of Thorsby to collect dust.

That was 7 years ago. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long when it seems like just yesterday. It’s hard to believe I was only twenty-three years old when I walked away from all of it. But I took a lot from those life lessons, those months and years of dedication and poverty. Every ounce of who I am today found its seed in those years as a ballerina-in-training and small-town dance teacher. It is the very depth of my dance roots.

I thought I found my way back in 2010. After a few years of casual teaching, I found myself immersed in a different niche of the dance world. Needless to say, that ended painfully and brutally. But somewhere, deep in my heart, that seed of dance lived on.

When Kristi asked me to teach her teen ballet class this year, I was hesitant at first. I was scared, I was jaded, and I was uncomfortable. Little did I know that taking those 18 teenagers for an hour and a half a week would be the balm that I needed to soothe my love of dance back into existence.

The moment I played that syllabus CD again, my body woke up. I was alive again. My muscles remembered, and they coaxed my heart back into a rhythm I’d missed so much. Every Monday night, I left happier than when I’d arrived. I looked forward to seeing my Monday class. It reminded my of my little studio, the little dream that never fully matured – right down to the small town hall and the old ladies’ potluck dinners in the basement :)

Then we started dancing, choreographing, creating. I started to build a vision for my ballerinas’ festival piece. I had a song I’d saved for years, and a dream of how it would look. A spark that I thought I’d lost was reignited. I was creating again. I was contributing to my art again.

It was beautiful.

It was hard, of course. There were weeks that I felt locked and choked, rushed for time, and as if I was constantly yelling over 18 teenage girls. Oh wait…I was ;) But then came our showcase day, and I was thrown back into the flurry and excitement of lipstick and eyelashes, sweltering heat and butterflies.

And I danced. I danced on that stage.

It was nothing, really. A little finale number that Kristi and I decided to do with the kids. But my god – it opened up my soul to sweat under those lights, to smile and laugh and DANCE. It felt like a long-lost friend.

And then?

On a dark night in April, I won a choreography award for my little dance. I was shocked. I squealed and skipped a little. My dancers laughed at my excitement. It had been so long. I was so proud of them for interpreting my vision – they made my work look good.

And then?

Another choreography award, and a gold mark at their last festival performance. And suddenly, I knew who I was again – I’d found my heart again, and knew that I still had the wings to fly. I knew that I could still create beauty and excitement onstage, and that I could still inspire students to be beautiful and exciting.

Dance has been my existence for as long as I can remember. What started as a favour for a friend and some free time this fall has reignited a passion I thought I lost. It’s filled a hole in my heart and soul – one that I thought was irreparable. I thought I’d never dance again, and yet here I am, dancing to the radio in my kitchen. Moving and shaking, laughing and singing.

Living.

Because MagzD finally got her Groove {It} back.