The pain of giving up

Posted on August 5, 2012 by Meaghan

The 30 kilometres I ran on July 29 really did me in.

It took me 4 days before I started to feel remotely normal. It messed with my mind, and it messed with my body. It left me feeling anxious and weary about running. I felt like I was coming down with a flu: my joints ached, my head hurt, my skin felt like it was the wrong size for my body. I craved weird foods, and I cried a lot.

I cried a LOT.

I wasn’t post-run sore. I was beaten. I started to feel chest-crushing anxiety when I looked at my training schedule: a mere 9 miles for my next long run, but no running the week after due to my Vegas convention, and then 22 miles the weekend I get back?? Not to mention the increasing mileage each weekday, growing from a few 5k runs to 6-, 7-, and 8-milers.

And the add the mounting obstacles of husbands who work out of town, kids who aren’t going to bed, roads that aren’t jogging-stroller-friendly, injuries that aren’t getting better, other races I want to run, and dance classes that will need to be taught?

Yup. Somehow, this October marathon became an insurmountable goal.

I think one of my biggest errors was throwing in the Moose is Loose. I raced that sucker hard, and then had zero recovery time. I also missed my 15-mile long run two weeks before that because of the extreme heat wave in our area. Add Leith being out of town for the past two weeks, forcing all my weekday runs indoors, and the odds really started to stack against me.

I don’t want to half-ass this marathon. I want to be strong when I go in. I don’t want the mentality of my first marathon to be, “Oh well, at least I finished.” I want it to be like Footstock. I want to stand at the start and know the latest time I’ll finish in. I want to compete with myself, and if I do the full marathon this fall, I won’t be a worthy competitor.

My body can’t take the enormous intensity of back-to-back training this year. If I push it, I’m going to hate it, and I’m going to get hurt.

So, I’m going to pull back. I’m going to keep my endurance up, and run the Rotary Run for Life half marathon here in September, and the Okanagan half marathon in October. I’m going to still enjoy a 4-day weekend in Kelowna, and a scenic race. I’m still going to enjoy my commemorative bottle of wine too

And I’m going to keep running. I love it, and I will protect that love fiercely. I will not allow myself to overtrain and under-love. Next year, I will start the marathon training slow and early. I’ll plan my races earlier so that they fit into my training. I will enjoy the process, and soak in every extra mile.

This year, though? I’m only going to be half-crazy

***

This is part of the Summer Blog Challenge: a month of posting every day! Feel free to join in the fun

The Moose is Loose

Posted on July 22, 2012 by Meaghan

I’m going to start this off with the biggest disappointment:

Despite the name, there was NO moose anywhere on the race course.

Sadness.

But I did get up bright and early today to run my second half marathon!! It was also my second half marathon in 2012, and my second half marathon in 6 weeks!!

I was a little disappointed in the course. I was expecting a rolling 21.1km of trails. Instead, I got a fairly flat course that was only about half trail. The rest was paved pathway. Not quite the “trail run” I’d been told about… The course volunteers were also less than enthusiastic for the most part, sitting in chairs, not clapping or cheering, barely acknowledging the runners.

But the sun was shining, and it wasn’t yet scorching hot out. Once the initial bottleneck thinned out, I had a really enjoyable 21k! My IT band didn’t bother me until 14k, and it didn’t stop me in my tracks until almost 18k. Even still, I was able to keep a normal gait this time

I also ran the full distance! I took 5 seconds to walk and chug 2oz of water at 4 aid stations, and about 15 seconds when my IT band smacked me at 18k, but that’s it! My pace was awesome too: I varied between 5:30 min/km and 6:30 min/km for an average pace of 6:00 min/km. I was blown away! While my “burst” at Footstock was 5:30, I ran my last kilometer at about 4:15, with energy to spare!

All that speed meant that I knocked nearly FIVE MINUTES off my Footstock time! I finished in 2:05:56 by my Garmin!!

Crazy!

Half marathon #2 is done for 2012! I don’t think I’d do this race again, but it was still a nice morning. There’s no rest for the wicked though: next week’s long run is 18 miles in preparation for Kelowna!

Meanwhile, I have another finisher’s medal to add to my collection:

Confessions of a lazy runner

Posted on July 8, 2012 by Meaghan

I’m a running club’s worst nightmare.

I run. I love to run. I run a lot, every week. Indoors and outdoors. On treadmills, pavement, ditches, trails…

But that’s just it: I run. I suck at training. Oh man, do I EVER suck at training! I finished my first half-marathon with barely any training. I ran a couple 5k each week, and ran a long run every weekend or two until I hit 20 km. That’s it. No cross-training, no speed work, no hills, no sprints, no fartleks.

Hee hee hee…fartlek.

I didn’t follow a plan. I counted weeks, and back-engineered the mileage. And I ran a solid 21.1km with only one walk break in 2 hours and 10 minutes.

Now I’m training for my first full marathon, and damn! It’s really hard to be lazy about this kind of mileage! I’m trying to stick to a “training plan”, but it’s really cramping my style… I don’t like being told when to run and how long for, and how to run. I just like to run.

It’s driving me crazy! And it’s creating guilt: it’s edging towards +31degrees today, and I am supposed to run 15 miles. That’s 24 kilometres! I was supposed to get up at 6:30am, but that didn’t happen, thanks to being sick on Friday/Saturday, eating/drinking too little, and being up too late with my kids. Now I’ve missed my window of (intelligent, weather-appropriate) opportunity. It’s already +24. Now what? Do I split it into 2 hour-long treadmill runs in the cool quiet of my basement? Do I hydrate myself to high heaven and set out on the glaring pavement? Ugh.

Then there’s the whole question of fuelling and hydration. I take a 4oz gel bottle of water on my long runs. I don’t drink; I only take it to keep my mouth wet. I drink a LOT of water the night before, and a litre in the morning before I go, but I just can’t get on the drink-while-you-run bandwagon. I don’t eat on my long runs either. I eat well the day before (part of the reason today’s run got sidetracked…I was sick for two days), and I eat well after. I don’t get hungry, and up until now, my energy has stayed consistent. So why eat and drink if I don’t need it?

Sigh. All the runners of the world are glaring at me right now. Reckless child…

I just don’t get the psychology of training. It sucks. I just want to run, when I want to run. Is that too much to ask? I don’t want to feel panicked about missing a long run, or worried that I’ll screw up my training schedule if I bump it to tomorrow. I don’t want to consider carbs and protein and gels and recovery drinks. I just want to eat pancakes, go for a run, come home, and have lunch.

I hate training. I just want to run.

The Run!

Posted on June 10, 2012 by Meaghan

I spent the weekend in Cochrane with one of my dearest, longest-known friends: Suzi, also known to me as just Sku. I am home after a long, rainy drive, and my heart is full and happy from so much goodness!

The main reason for visiting this weekend was to participate in the Footstock half marathon on Saturday morning. I knew that I was ready, but that didn’t stop me from having incredible pre-race jitters!! I took 2 melatonin tablets before bed and still tossed and turned all night, listening to the rain and thunder outside.

I woke up to a cold, dreary day. The ground was soggy and the wind was howling. Suzi and I bundled up into my car, cranked the heated seats on, and drove to town! And before I knew it…I was off!

The pack mentality was hard to shake. I knew what my goals were: keep a 6:30 km/min pace or faster, walk one minute every 5 km, and finish under 2:15. The energy swept me away from the starting line and I had to fight to keep from pacing with the crowd. I held back, knowing that I would be better off in the long run

Six beautiful kilometres along the Bow River, and then the hill from hell that Melinda had warned me about. Even knowing, I was completely unprepared for the monster that lay ahead of me. Head down, one foot in front of the other, don’t walk. And when I wanted to walk, I didn’t, because I was going to OWN THIS DAMN HILL! At the top, it curved to the right…and then KEPT GOING UP. Oh god.

And then…I crested the top and headed 3 kilometres down a dirt road that had been magically transformed into a mud pit. The wind beat down on me, and I could barely see through the rain drops dripping off my eyelashes. I was soaked and cold, and just like *that* – the turn around. Halfway done!! I hadn’t even paused to walk!

I passed the 12km line, and all of a sudden my right IT-band started screaming at me out of the blue. I’d had no pain until then, although I’d been expecting it. I promised myself to walk if it started hurting worse. A couple hundred metres later, it did. I have never stopped moving SO suddenly. It hurt.

I swore under my breath as I walked it out, trying to stretch and lengthen my stride without stopping. I tried to talk myself up. I had just over 9km left in my run…I could do this. I had to do this. I was NOT letting some nagging stupid injury foil my great plan!!

So I ran.

And as I ran, I played with my gait until I found a strode that minimized the pain and let me keep going. I vowed to adapt as necessary, but for the next 9 continuous (no walking – woo!), I ran with an imaginary Skip-It on my right ankle:

Yup. I can’t WAIT to go to physio on Wednesday!! Pleeeeease don’t kill me, Laurie??

But surprisingly, even though I swung my right leg out for 9km, it didn’t hurt. And post-race? My knees were tender if I sat for too long, but not stiff and definitely not painful! And today? I’m not the least bit sore, tired, or stiff!

I screamed down the hill of death, and into the river valley. I was on track for my pace, and the wind was at my back. My energy was high, and I was flying. I broke out of the trail at 18km, and a song came on my iPod.

And suddenly, 3km from my goal, I had a lump in my throat the size of Texas and was fighting back tears. I was completely emotionally overwhelmed by the magnitude of the day and overcome with gratitude for everything and everyone who got me to that point. I was also profoundly proud of myself and my body for making it happen.

Yes, I was bawling on a dirt path while I ran.

And then the finish line was in sight. I bucked up my pace to a beautiful 5:30km/min for the last kilometre. I saw my dear Sku at the finish line, camera in hand. I heard my name on the loudspeaker…

And I finished.

And now, I have this to add to my collection:

This n that

Posted on April 9, 2012 by Meaghan

I’ve been very delinquent in my blogging lately… I supposed that’s a good thing, because it means I’ve been busy living life away from this box

But in the spirit of catching up:

We drove to Regina for Easter. It was our first trip since the bugz were 4 months old. They were great the whole way there (thanks to their DVD players), really well-behaved while we were visiting, and almost angelic for the 10 hour drive home! They didn’t even crack their DVD players open, and not a teaspoon of Gravol was administered!!
My grampa taught me to soft-boil eggs. I’m now addicted. I could eat a dozen at a time…!
I threw out my gluten-free diet this weekend, and paid dearly. I was uncomfortable, but damn! It was tasty
My seedlings are all up, in a bad way. Ummm…what do I do with them now?? It’s only mid-April!
I filed my taxes! Woohoo!! Thank you, refund gods.
My bugz are on a serious independence streak…they’ve been playing downstairs for over an hour, leaving me with nothing to do. They don’t want me to play. Fine, then.
I’ve got Shutterfly orders arriving in the mail, and another order to put in, thanks to the 101 free prints in my email inbox this morning!! I’m actually doing something I said I would – amazing!!
This week marks getting back on the treadmill – literally. My knee is feeling better, and I need to get back to my long runs. I should be up to 15k this weekend, but I’m aiming for only 12-13k. Daily walks and runs are key to staying on track, and I fell off that track big time!
I have at least 2, if not 3 recipes to post over at MagzD Gluten-free. This isn’t the only place I’ve been slacking! I also have a post to write for The Princess and the Pee, but I keep neglecting that too.