Listography #2: Attitudes to live by this year

1. Let it be: nothing more, nothing less. Living with what I have, instead of adding.

2. Quiet: continuing 2012′s rule of not engaging in dramatics (although this does not mean  being a doormat!)

3. Just breathe: when life gets chaotic, as it is about to with dance competitions, costumes, recitals…and then registrations, and my wee babes heading off to Kindergarten this fall…I will stop and breathe

4. Relish: food, drink, silence, movement, sound, voices, music, colours, textures, company, solitude, relationships, cuddles, kisses, busyness, boredom, and life

5. Acceptance: of self, of others, of timing, of situations

6. Gratitude: for lessons in every situation, good or bad, that allow for growth as a person, mother, wife, woman…

7. Forgiveness: perhaps not mending of relationships, but forgiveness in my heart and moving on with my life

8. Just dance: when all else fails!

9. Love: deeper, stronger, and out loud

10: Happiness: and hopefully it will be contagious to those around me

The Year of Nothing

While the rest of the blogosphere is coming down from the buzz of deciding their New Year’s Resolutions and writing their Year in Review posts, I am sitting in my bed thinking about how little I plan to do in 2013.

You see, I decided that 2013 shall be The Year of Nothing.

2012 was all about kicking ass. And it really, really did. It was incredible. But it was so incredible that I really, truly just want to spend a year doing nothing.

I don’t mean to imply that I’m going to sit on my bum in my pyjamas and eat raw cookie dough all year as much as I love the sound of that. I mean that, for the first time ever, I’m not making any sweeping, dramatic plans for the year ahead.

Race schedule? Zero.
Wild holidays? None (other than Mexico, of course…how awesome is it that Mexico is just “standard” now??)
Major diet changes? Meh.
New skills? Don’t need ‘em.

I have two things to accomplish this year: finish my 101 in 1001, and find one more teacher for my studio for next fall (or convince Miss Krista to teach two nights a week for me!). Other than that, it’s free and easy down the road I go: Finish choreography, have my students perform, spend a lazy summer with my beautiful family, escape to Vegas for a little professional development (!!), and begin the life of a kindergarten parent next fall. Hang up my stay-at-home mom hat for 2-3 days a week. Hopefully only teach 2 nights a week instead of 3.

Just be.

Ahhhh…do you hear that? It’s the sound of unwritten/unfinished goals whooshing past into the shadows of my past. It’s the sound of simple existence. This is The Year of Nothing.

And for me, that will be quite something.

It’s been awhile!

I’ve been absent over here, but you all knew that ;)

Life with a dance studio, a couple of 4-year olds, an acreage, a husband, and a chiweenie? Chaos. Why not add in some clothing sales too??

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Yup. I’ve been working around the clock this past month. I’ve been choreographing Christmas dances, trying to work out on my own time, keep the minion children entertained. I’ve barely had time to stop, but in a good way. It’s all been things that I want to do. Next weekend, I’m heading to Calgary for a dance competition with an amaaaaaazing faculty. I’m breathless just thinking about it!

I’m still trying to find my blog voice again though. I don’t know where I’m going as MagzD, and it’s unsettling. I love my online life-log…as long as it fits my real life-log. Thanks for sticking by me for more than 4 years now! More updates in the future, I promise!

5 Things

My friend Josline at Modern Mama Spruce Grove wrote a FABULOUS post last night about the 5 things she allows herself to do. It was inspiring and gentle – I loved it. We all need to give ourselves permission to let go once in awhile.

Here are the 5 things I allow myself to do:

  1. Do the things I love, regardless of my family commitments. I’ve been called selfish for doing this, but when I take the time to do the things I love, I’m a happier person. When I’m a happier person, I can spend more energy on my family. When I ignore the things I love (running, dance, yoga, hiding out away from everyone), I’m cranky and snappish. No one wins.
  2. Nap in the middle of the day. This is such a luxury, and it may seem unproductive, but little moments of rest make up for any early mornings or late nights. It’s also delicious to curl up on the couch with my girls while they watch a Disney movie in the afternoon. We get lots of cuddles, and I wake up refreshed.
  3. Ignore the housework. I get the basics done on a need-to basis. The dishes get done, the laundry gets done, the floor gets vacuumed. But is my kitchen spotless at any given time? Hell no. I’d rather spend my time on the relationships in my life, including my relationship with myself.
  4. Slack off. I’m training for a marathon right now, and it’s really hard to stay motivated. The thing is, I’ll do it eventually and I’m not in it to win. I’m in it to finish, so if I need a day off, I take it. I’m not about to turn a passion into a chore. Anytime I force myself to do anything, I end up resenting it. I do what makes me happy so that I can enjoy my life.
  5. Avoid people and places that make me uncomfortable. I’ve been burned badly and it’s made me a bit of a social-phobe. I have a network of friends now, but if there is an event or situation I don’t feel 100% in, I back out. I also avoid being social when I feel like I have to force it. I am committed to only participating wholly. If I don’t like it, I’m not putting on a fake happy face.

What do you allow yourself to do? More so, what should you allow yourself to do that you don’t?

And for fun, I’m tagging some people: Heather, Hethr, Natasha, Jen, and Sarah. Feel free to join :)

The Whole 30 Plunge

I’m a little bit excited, a whole lot nervous, and very indecisive about when to start…

I read a great book this past week, in keeping with two other foodie books I read this past year. The first was Wheat Belly. This was my insight into the problems caused by eating grain. I needed to understand more about celiac and gluten, and this was a great resource.

From there, I moved onto Robb Wolf’s paleo bible, The Paleo Solution. It was another interesting read, but quite frankly, I didn’t like his tone. It was too casual and condescending for me. I know too many of “those types” from my fitness background. But I liked the material and the theories. Between that and Wheat Belly, it all made sense.

But of course, I like dairy and I love wine.

Unfortunately, 6 weeks into my naturopathic journey, I still feel blah despite strengthening my adrenal system and trying to improve my quality of sleep. I’ve thought about doing another sugar fast, and other than two oversights, I have been gluten free for all of July.

That’s when Laurie pointed me in the direction of It Starts With Food. It’s another paleo-style book, but I found a greater connection to the why: why I shouldn’t be eating dairy, or legumes, or grains. It also lays out a great 30-day purge, if you will, to challenge you to eat within Paleolithic nutritional guidelines and what to expect.

More importantly? It didn’t end with 30 days of meal plans. I hate meal plans. I won’t follow them, and I know that my family won’t follow them. I’ve tried to get eggs into my kids at breakfast. Not. Happening.

But guidelines? Perfect! Help me implement a lifestyle, instead of follow a chart! That I can do. I need that kind of flexibility.

I already know that nutritionally, I have something funky going on. My celiac test came back negative, but I feel better when I follow my girls’ celiac diet. One of the next steps my naturopath wants to take is eliminating dairy. Between those two, I’m halfway there already, so why not take the full Whole 30 plunge?

I just can’t narrow down the when. You see, there’s nothing stopping me from starting tomorrow. The problem lies in my Vegas trip in just under 3 weeks. I know that it will be a hard thing to follow while staying in a hotel, revolving around a conference schedule. I don’t know how easy it will be (time- or convenience-wise), and I don’t want to set myself up for failure.

What would you do? Would you commit to the full 30 days, and hope for the best for 5 days in Vegas? Or would you wait until you got back and just make small changes in the meantime?

I really want to try this. I want to buckle my diet down to good food that my body was designed to digest. I am SO sick of feeling sick and tired and unwell. I’m tired of feeling achy, dehydrated, sore, swollen, and inflamed with no discernible cause.

I’m giving myself until Monday to (decide to) start. My next half marathon is this Sunday, and I don’t want to change anything right before a race. But in the meantime, I’d love some feedback. And, if you’d like to join me, I’d love to have a team to survive with ;)

My Bad Choice Jar

That’s it. I’m out of creative ways to be a horrible parent. That, and I honestly can’t keep up with all the new ways to be a horrible parent. Truthfully, my mind is full to the brim with more important information, such as:

Do I need to bottle my kombucha today?

What is the drop-in schedule at Dance Code tonight?

Is my period late?

How far can I drive before I absolutely MUST change the oil in my car?

What’s the name of that song that goes, “Dah-na-na-naaaah NA, dah-na-na-na…”?

And so on. Valuable space is being taken up in my grey matter, and I JUST CAN’T COMPETE with all the things I’m doing wrong as a parent! Thus, I have decided to take an idea off of Pinterest and modify it to suit the growing number of parenting goofs we all make day in and day out:

My Bad Choice Jar
…I couldn’t find a jar big enough to fit all the judgement in the world…

I mean, really: we are so stupid, how can we possible continue to breed? How will the human race survive when we:

  • breastfeed
  • don’t breastfeed
  • breastfeed “too long”
  • vaccinate
  • don’t vaccinate
  • discipline
  • teach consequences
  • let them discover their own consequences
  • circumcise (so glad I had girls…!)
  • use disposable diapers
  • use cloth diapers
  • use sippy cups
  • use bottles
  • co-sleep
  • sleep in separate rooms
  • sleep train
  • serve juice
  • eat peanut butter
  • watch TV
  • watch movies
  • play video games
  • spank
  • use adult words
  • talk it out
  • time outs
  • time ins
  • comfort tantrums
  • ignore tantrums
  • throw tantrums
  • encourage Princess play
  • buy toys
  • shop at Walmart
  • shop local
  • eat organic
  • eat at McDonald’s
  • eat hot dogs
  • cut up hot dogs and grapes
  • eat them whole
  • supervise our kids
  • let them run freely
  • build zip lines in the backyard…and tree forts!
  • play hide and seek!
  • send them to play school
  • send them to daycare
  • work away from home
  • stay at home
  • work from home
  • give your body parts cutesie names
  • give your body parts proper names
  • eat dairy
  • eat meat
  • drink alcohol before the kids are 18
  • drink alcohol WITH the kids before they’re 18
  • don’t drink any alcohol around the kids
  • drink while pregnant
  • go out on dates
  • hire a babysitter
  • never hire a sitter
  • buy a cheap carseat
  • use a Bumbo
  • always have tummy time
  • never have tummy time
  • do crafts
  • hate crafts
  • yell at the top of your lungs…ever
  • use sign language
  • use foul language
  • throw out plastic bags
  • recycle
  • compost
  • use the garbage for everything
  • wipe their noses
  • play in the sprinkler
  • ride their bikes alone to the park
  • ride in cars with boys
  • sleep on the top bunk
  • sleep over at friends’ houses
  • teach them their ABCs
  • let your iPhone teach them their ABCs
  • play nothing but classical music
  • play nothing but Barney and Bieber
  • play nothing but county music and gangsta rap
  • potty train
  • use elimination communication

And so on. I can’t wait to fill my Jar! My only question is this:

Should I fill it with everyone else’s mistakes? Or should I only fill it with my OWN mistakes? Or should I fill it with all the mistakes I swore I’d never make? Or just with the things I feel totally okay with? Should I keep out the mistakes that I would judge people about? Or is every mistake fair game?

Whadya say? Wanna help me fill my Bad Choice Jar today? What are the so-called “bad choices” you’ve made, according to people who obviously know better than you?

Side note: I’ll be having a garbage-burning party once my Bad Choice Jar is full! We have make sure we purge the Earth of all the bad choices so that our children survive!! Please bring your non-organic (and organic) hot dogs and tofu dogs. Supervision of children is optional, as is your consumption of alcohol.

Additional side note: if you get your panties in a twist about this, I’m going to assume you are NOT okay with your own bad choices, and that you need to build your own Bad Choice Jar to burn. It’s easy. All you need is:

  • a jar
  • paper
  • a marker
  • tape
  • a sense of humour
  • a low-bullshit tolerance

No beds: an update

Remember this?

Well, it’s backfired a little.

You see, my bugz have discovered that they LOVE this empty room. They have a mattress on the floor, a throw blanket, and occasionally they have earned their pillows and stuffed princesses back.

I say “occasionally” because they tend to lose those items the morning after they get them back due to excessive whining and fighting.

So, while it’s obvious that I haven’t emotionally scarred them for life, I haven’t really made much headway in the discipline arena. They have a big empty room to run around and scream in. They love it. There’s zero motivation to get anything back.

The novelty of listening to Mommy has worn off.

Sigh.

 

31 Things

I intended to write this post a year ago. I was so full of pizazz over turning 30…and then I got distracted by something shiny.

So instead of having a dry, dull 31st birthday tomorrow, I decided to kick off my original 30′s plan with a list of 31 things to accomplish this year! Some are borrowed from my list of 101 in 1001, and others are new interests and goals that don’t fall into that :)

  1. Learn to use my sewing machine
  2. Set up a sewing area in my house
  3. Sew kitchen curtains
  4. Create a new garden plot for vegetables behind the shed
  5. Build 2 or 3 raised perennial beds
  6. Plant our hydrangea and night bark trees
  7. Make dill pickles and carrots
  8. Give homemade Christmas gifts
  9. Take the bugz berry picking at Happy Acres U-pick
  10. Take the whole family back to the Calgary Zoo and Heritage park this summer
  11. Spend a month actually following my girls celiac diet, instead of cheating ;)
  12. Having my wedding rings soldered now that the set is complete
  13. Go to the whisky bar with Leith
  14. Buy an acoustic guitar and keep learning
  15. Finish the Okanagan marathon this fall
  16. Bring home lots of Okanagan wine from the marathon trip :)
  17. Spend a blissful week in Mexico this winter!
  18. Go scuba diving
  19. Build a sand castle on the beach
  20. Spent an exorbitant amount of money on a bottle of funky wine. Drink it NOW.
  21. Have Leith show me how to change the oil in a vehicle and change a tire on my car
  22. Have an acreage party tweet up
  23. Learn to ride a motorcycle…in a very controlled setting ;)
  24. Have a “YES” day
  25. Find a really, really, REALLY good gluten-free chocolate chip cookie recipe. For real.
  26. Send a handwritten letter
  27. Use the rest of my Bikram 20-pass before it expires!
  28. Buy houseplants…possibly keep alive
  29. Buy myself something extravagant without guilt
  30. Eat a freaky flavour of ice cream, like dill pickle
  31. Go to the roller derby…hell, maybe even go roller skating!!!

30 was the year of growth, and healing. It was the biggest roller coaster of my life, and I wouldn’t trade my experiences for the world. The past year shaped me into the woman I am today: strong, confidant, beautiful, healthy, happy, loved, loving, and damn proud of myself.

It’s a pretty good platform from which to leap into 31.

Hey, May!

May is going to be awesome. I know this because:

  • Leith got called out to Ft MacMurray for 3 weeks today. This would normally throw me into a fetal position, but with our financial diet in full gear, 21 days of 12-hr shifts sounds pretty good to us!! Hello, overtime!!
  • His office did fix the paperwork screw up, so we did get paid in full…which means all my bills will be paid today – yay!!
  • I get to pick up my bugz’ first dance pictures this week
  • I’m going to see my bestest Suzi this weekend for a training run in Cochrane, just 4 weeks before the Footstock half marathon!
  • I get to buy new underwear!! Woohoo!
  • May means almost summer, which means PLANTING MY GARDEN!!! The nursery in my living room is getting out of control…
  • The start of morning coffees out on our deck :)
  • Erin is going to have her baby this month!
  • The greenhouses are in full swing, which means I can go and get all my beautiful flowers for my yard soon!
  • It’s Celiac Awareness Month
  • I have a new treadmill to play with, and it’s oh-so-beautiful
  • I get to keep Shredding, which is giving me oh-so-beautiful arms ;)
  • There’s sunshine everywhere, and long daylight hours for playing outside
  • I’m thisclose to getting my devil IUD ripped out!
  • I can buy groceries at the farmers’ markets soon – outside! In the sun!
  • The first baby wearing walk of the year is on May 23
  • We will be celebrating our 5-year anniversary on May 25 – so far, so very good

Although we’re guaranteed to have a few ups and downs, I’d say we have a lot to look forward to this month!

What are you excited for in May?

{run}

The sun has just dropped below the tree tops, but hasn’t sunk below the horizon yet. There is still a sharp sting of springtime snow in the air, but all I need is a light jacket.

Every so often, the rustle of a bird nesting.

Adele coaxes me on, sounds rolling in the deep from my pocket. No earphones tonight. I want to be present.

The gravel crunches under my shoes while the blue Alberta sky fades into a dusky springtime twilight. My stride lengthens as I crest a hill, smoothly transitioning back to a comfortable pace.

My body works, but doesn’t burn. It surrenders to movement and ebbs and flows with the world around me. Up onto the asphalt, down into the dry, sandy quad tracks in the ditch below.

Four deep brown eyes watch me from the stillness of the trees. Suddenly, white tails flash and they are keeping pace with me for 20, 30, 50 metres. Silly human. Gone, back into the underbrush with a grace I could only hope to have.

A few more miles, breathing gently and full of peace.

A sign tonight that, no matter what happens in this world, no matter how many problems arise, no matter how many battles we fight:

I can always run.