Tag Archives: schedules

Wandering aimlessly

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Ding…! Ding…!

I miss the sound of the bell echoing across the classrooms, the telltale prelude of static over the intercom. I miss the square of paper stuck inside my locker with sticky-tac, outlining every 40 minutes of my day. I miss the routine, knowing exactly when I had to get out of bed and where I had to be at any given time.

I miss the direction.

Lately, I’ve been feeling very lost. I feel like I am wandering through my days, barely accomplishing more than the basics: eat, sleep, bathe, teach dance, keep the bugz alive. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. When I lay my head down each night, I can’t recall anything that I’ve really done that day.

We ate. We washed. I worked.

I usually know this much: I didn’t clean. Laundry didn’t get done. I probably didn’t get any kind of workout in. I didn’t do anything with my kids, except maybe scold them or tell them what to do. We probably snuggled on the couch for an hour in the afternoon while I caught a much-needed nap. 9 hours of sleep a night, and I am still tired in the afternoons. Even if I don’t fall asleep, I need to close my eyes and rest.

I sent a text to my beloved Sku, who is also a life coach down in Calgary. I asked her how on earth to manage myself. I have all the time in the world, and none of the motivation. My house is a mess, my kids are unattended, and my office is in shambles. My organization is at an all-time low. I’ve had some dance parents remind me three weeks in a row to bring new tights for their child! Not cool, Magz. Not cool.

I told her all the things I need to do in a day, versus what’s actually getting done. She quite simply asked me: What are your priorities?

From that moment, I’ve been sitting here wondering. What are my priorities?? Obviously, basic needs are being met. We’re clothed and fed and bathed, and I haven’t blown up my house by accident. But all this other stuff:

  • Work administration
  • Teaching dance
  • Lesson plans
  • Meal plans
  • Grocery shopping
  • Having dinner mostly ready/cooked by 3:45pm, three days a week
  • Physio appointments
  • 5 workouts a week, anywhere from 40 minutes to over an hour
  • Driving, driving, driving
  • Swimming lessons
  • General tidying
  • Never-ending laundry
  • Actual cleaning
  • Banking, personal admin work
  • Spending time with the bugz
  • Spending time with Leith
  • Spending time with just ME
  • Other random errands

How do I prioritize that list?

I mean, obviously teaching dance is a priority since it’s my job. And with that, I have to dedicate hours in the week to the administrative role. All in all though, it’s not much more than 25 hours a week, including driving. But with that, I have to make my workouts and physio a priority, because I need to be physically able to keep up with the demands of my job. I also need to take care of my health in general, since I’m not getting any younger or skinnier ;)

So there’s that.

With the job comes the prep work: meal planning, grocery shopping, and having enough time each afternoon (Tuesday through Thursday) to prep and mostly-cook dinner for our sitter to give the bugz. It also means remembering to buy/pack food for myself to eat while I’m teaching.

The whole reason I left the “real job” world was to spend my days with my bugz before they head off to school next fall. Truly, I feel like I am failing in this area even more than I am failing at the housework. I spend little to no time with them outside our morning snuggles and afternoon psuedo-nap. I can’t remember the last time I sat down and coloured with them, or sat on the couch and read stories in the middle of the day. I can’t remember the last time I even suggested making a craft, let alone actually made one with them. They drift in and out of my field of vision all day long, mostly just asking for food or hugs. I oblige both. I kiss them goodnight when I get home, and I always tuck them in when I’m not teaching. Most nights, I end up sleeping with one or both of them, trying to suck more hours out of the day.

Soon they’ll be out of my house from 7:30am until 4pm every weekday, and I’ll regret that they weren’t a priority.

And then there is the housework. The easy stuff, like tidying and emptying the dishwasher. The harder stuff, like washing floors and bathrooms. And the never. ending. pile. of. laundry.

By the time I’m done feeling guilty about all the other stuff I haven’t done, I have zero desire to even look at my house.

So here I am: knowing why certain things are on the list of priorities, but having no idea which should be more important than the others. Should a workout that supports my health and my job come before making paper chains with my bugz for Christmas? Or should colouring wait until the dishes have been put away?

Is there time for all of it in the day?

Don’t answer that. I know the answer. My struggle is in finding the desire to make it all happen, and how.

And that is an answer I am still searching for.

A new year

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I don’t know about everyone else, but September always holds more of a “new year” feel for me than January. It might be the bustle of back-to-school, or the sudden sharp smell in the air. Whatever the reason, I am so glad to finally be back in the thick of it!

As chaotic as the last two weeks have been, I have missed the thrill of preparing for a new dance season. Even though I’ve taught for all but one of the last 7 seasons, I haven’t had to really do anything. I made a few playlists, prepped a few class plans. I showed up. This year, though, I’m invested again. I’m directing the momentum and loving every crazy second of it.

I feel like I have a purpose in this world again.

But with this renewed responsibility also comes an unprecedented calm. 10 years ago, I was an absolute wreck the night before classes started. My brain would not shut off. It was like that every year in Thorsby, and before every big event. I always felt like I was drowning.

Now, 10 years later, I am so calm. Yes, I have a lot to still do tomorrow and for the rest of this week. Yes, my to-do list is a little crazy right now. And here I am, calm. I know that I’m on top of things. A lot of it has to do with the amazing systems Kristi had for me to follow, and a lot comes from 10 years of personal growth. I also have the knowledge that this is not the be-all and end-all of my existence, and I have the incredible support of my husband.

The workload is heavy, but it’s not a burden. That’s something I haven’t felt before. I feel capable. I feel like I deserve this. I’m excited!!

And with this new studio comes the opportunity for betterment at home. A new babysitter means that I need to keep my house somewhat presentable and tidy. It means I have to put my things away. It means meal planning and pre-prepping dinner for her and the bugz.

All of that means that I have cause to be organized. I’ve never had to be organized before. Let me tell you this: it’s really hard to want to be organized when there’s no great need. It’s like deep cleaning your house. You can do it really well, and very efficiently, when you find out you have out-of-town visitors coming to stay in two hours.

This new schedule is the same as those surprise guests. It’s getting me up and moving, motivated in a way I haven’t felt in a long time. It’s a domino effect of good change that our household has been craving for years now.

There is so much goodness right now! I am so happy that tomorrow is finally here. All this preparation, unfolding into reality. After all these years, I’ve finally done it. I’ve finally found a niche that balances my family commitments with my passions, and allows all of us to develop the life we’ve been wanting in so many ways.

Happy new year :)

Unparenting

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I’ve noticed something since I quit working to be a full-time mom: there are a lot of moms out there who make it seem like they do a lot of stuff with their kids. Some are super crafty, others are into the education game, and others just do a lot of stuff. For four years, I’ve felt like I should be doing more with my kids and yet we never seem to really do anything.

Case in point: my kids have been playing together for over 3 hours today. Downstairs, or in their room. Far away from me. Completely independent of my supervision. It’s like I’m only here in case of emergency. I’m a red fire-alarm: break in case of fire.

Of course we do things. We go for a walk almost every day and then play outside. I don’t let them play freely outdoors if I’m not with them, since we’re on 4 acres of unfenced, treed land and I haven’t successfully implanted them with invisible fence trackers… They come with me to get groceries. We go to Little Beans or Cafe O Play once or twice a week. I take them to swimming lessons and dance class. But other than that??

We don’t do much.

If they ask for a craft, I’ll let them explore the craft cupboard on their own. GLITTER FOR ALL!! If they ask to bake something, we do. If they bring me a book, I read it. I make sure they get dressed before supper time, and wash their faces and brush their teeth. Sometimes they help me vacuum.

But we really don’t DO much.

Even as a mom to newborns, I wasn’t a structured parent. The most I did was feed on a 3-hour schedule because, let’s face it: there were two hungry critters begging for boobies. It was schedule, or let my skin grow into the fabric of my glider. But we didn’t do baby signing, or tummy time, or anything developmental. Heck, I kept my kids off the ground as much as possible for fear that they would learn to move :) Despite my best efforts, they did learn to sit, crawl, walk, run, and talk back.

Nowadays, my girls have vivid imaginations without my involvement. They sing and dance and play together. They fight and cry together. Occasionally, I call them to the table for food. More often then not, they don’t want to eat lunch because they’d rather play.

I make no excuses. My husband knows I have it pretty easy most days. Of course there are hairy, tantrum-filled days. The bugz are four! But I can’t say I have it hard. He goes to work. My kids watch themselves. I blog and play with my puppy and clean my house a little. It’s a pretty charmed life.

Our life is one big ball of free play.

So when I sit here, not having directly parented my kids for over 3 hours, I start to wonder: am I screwing something up? Or is this relaxed lifestyle just what we need? Am I fostering independence by letting them make their own day-to-day time table, or am I hampering their ability to transition into the “real world” full of clocks and deadlines?

Or is it all just a farce? A facade? Are there actually stay-at-home moms out there that are really doing lots of stuff with their preschoolers every day?? Is every day organized (to a degree), with structured time for learning, playing, crafts, TV, outside play…?

What are your thoughts? Is this lazy parenting, or am I just going with the flow? Is this the parental equivalent of unschooling? Where do you draw the line in your own house? Do you really do it all, or do you just like to pin lots of kids’ activities to your Pinterest boards?

What do YOU do all day at home?